BDSM vs Sadism – Know the Difference and Stay Safe

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There is a lot to discuss on the topic of BDSM and sadism.

But, that nuclear The difference lies in a simple idea – agree…

Yes, Mr. X cried because he was hit so hard, but he agreed during the negotiation phase. However, if he wanted to stop playing (for whatever reason), he simply said the safe word. His play partner would stop immediately and deal with any emotional or physical issues. When those issues were resolved, it was Mr. X’s decision whether to continue (and his partner respected that choice).

That’s consent.

However…

Ms. Y was trying anal sex for the first time. She was experiencing considerable pain and asked her partner to stop…but they did not.

This is abuse.

Another way to think about this is…

“One word can stop BDSM play. A million words can’t stop abuse.”

The foundation for broader thinking

Yes, we get consent, but there is more that needs to happen if you want to be a responsible BDSM practitioner or kink person.

I used the word “negotiation” before. Negotiation (or we can call it upfront communication). All participants discuss their limits (what they will do, are willing to explore, and won’t do) — this can be anything from a simple “yes” or “no” all the way up to a scaling system of 0 to 10 (0 being the hard limit).

When you respect someone’s boundaries, it builds trust. With that trust, you can explore your kinky desires more deeply.

NEXT，SSC

This means Safe, sensible, voluntary.

safe = But all practices must be done with an understanding of the risks to the body and mind (and with precautions to avoid lasting harm and minimize those risks). For example, when doing Japanese rope bondage, you need to understand human anatomy and avoid nerve damage.

Sane = Not only do all participants need to be aware of the risks, but they also need to understand the difference between reality and fantasy. This section also means that you should not engage in BDSM while drunk or high (you need to fully understand what is happening).

Side note: “Subspace” is a term used when a submissive experiences a “high” due to the chemicals in their body and the environment. They are not always able to make rational decisions or communicate clearly.

Dominants/domins need to watch out for these signs and never stray from the negotiated terms when their partner is in subspace. Sometimes, if the submissive is getting in too deep, it’s best to stop the play altogether (even if they haven’t said the safeword).

Volunteer = Everyone agrees on boundaries, limits, safe words, what happens in the scenario, etc. If people change their minds, they have to be renegotiated (even if it’s midway, but this can be a long or short conversation depending on what people need).

Learn more here…

What is a safeword? Learn the basics of kink communication

Primary BDSM Contract

Finally, the rack

There is a lot of information about the difference between SSC and RACK (Risk awareness and consensus), but we’ll discuss that another day. The main idea is to be aware of the possible problems with high-risk activities in the BDSM field. It’s also a philosophy that nothing in the kink world is truly “safe” and all you can do is minimize the danger.

Don’t forget post-operative care

A BDSM scene should always end with aftercare – the submissive/masochist is cared for both physically and emotionally, and there should be a follow-up discussion so the participants know what worked, what can be changed, and so on.

Learn more here…

BDSM Aftercare 101 – How to Care for Your Slave After Play

More differences…

Conclusion

I hope the distinction is clearer now. Also, remember that even if your partner is consistently using safe BDSM practices, breaking the ground rules even once is abuse and should not be excused or tolerated.

How do you handle your scenes? What safeword do you use? Share it in the comments!