First love… dizzy, intense, passionate and often exhausting. It is undeniable that the first brush with romantic love has had a lasting impact on people. Given that most people experience first love as teenagers, it rarely grows into a lasting relationship. Even so, the first love does shape our patterns in relationships (for good and bad) and is certainly hard to forget. However, the first love theory takes a step forward and implies that people have never really overcome the first person they fall in love with.
They always occupy special places in their hearts and even measure all future partners against them. Now, this can create severe dampers in many relationships. If you are not your partner’s first love, you may find out whether you are holding a candle for others while experiencing the action of your relationship and may arouse a lot of insecurity.
That’s why we decided to delve deeper into the theory of men’s first love and figure out if there are any advantages after all, based on the latest research and research in the field and the insights of leading psychologists and relationship experts. So, will men overcome their first love? Let’s find out.
What is the theory of men’s first love?
The theory of men’s first love shows that a man’s initial romantic experience profoundly influenced his future relationships and his views on love. This early encounter often leaves a lasting emotional imprint that shapes how he perceives intimacy and commitment. That’s because when a person falls in love for the first time, their brain changes significantly. Research shows that romantic love activation is related to motivation and rewards, similar to the effects of addictive substances.
This intense experience can set the benchmark for future relationships, a classic case of past and future past relationships. As psychologist Jefferson Singer points out, the experience of 15 to 26 years old is particularly memorable, which caused the influence of first love during this period. This initial love often serves as a template for a person to measure future partners. The characteristics of first love affect their pattern of attraction and sometimes lead them to seek similar qualities among others. However, if one constantly measures current partners with an idealized past, this comparison may also hinder new relationships.
When you think of your first love, you usually feel nostalgic. These memories can evoke strong emotions and remind people of an era that feels fresh and intense. Although it is natural to cherish these memories, it is important to recognize that personal growth and changing circumstances mean that not all first love is related to the present.
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A red user thinks her first love is not over yet, he offers an interesting view of the first love theory and says, “Based on my experience, my first love doesn’t surpass me. We are together. When I got married at 27, I was 27 (22, too young) (too young) and the first love brought me some unfortunate attitudes (I’m very uncomfortable saying, I feel uncomfortable because I feel discomfort because I feel discomfort because I feel annoyed, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, because I feel very upset, and it’s an uncomfortable emotion. And so on. I’m 30 now and he’s still doing the same thing.
“He still didn’t love me as much as he thought he was. None of my teenagers were with me. Since we were 20, we’ve never seen each other or talked to each other again. He stuck to my ideas. I couldn’t do anything, I could help him throw away my delusions. But, as I said. Mature, once as young as I did, and had no feelings for his past.
Does the first love theory only apply to men?
Although first love theory is often used to refer to a man’s first love experience, it is not necessarily gender-specific. The answer to what first love means to a girl is no different from what it means to a man. The first romantic experience left a deep emotional imprint on both men and women.
However, there is evidence that men may deal with and remember that their first love is different from women. In most cultures, men can suppress their emotions, so this can be particularly impactful when a person is vulnerable and experiences a deep feeling for the first time. Psychologist Nancy Kalish studied reignited romances and found that men tend to idealize their first love more than women and last longer memories and emotions. She suggests that since men may not have as many emotional channels, their first love becomes a powerful reference point.

That is to say, women also establish a strong emotional connection with their first love. For them, it may be a learning experience or foundation for understanding future relationships. Ultimately, first love affects people in a unique way, but the emotional weight it brings is a shared human experience. Whether you are a man or a woman, these early feelings will linger and affect the way you love long after the relationship ends.
Related readings: You have three kinds of love in your life: Theory and Psychology behind it
Why is first love so powerful?
Whether you think about what your first love means to a girl or to a man, there is no denying that the first time love has a unique and lasting power for us, affecting our emotions and relationships in profound ways. Let’s dig into the psychology of first love to understand why this is done:
1. Neural blot
When you fall in love, your brain releases a combination of neurotransmitters such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, creating a feeling of euphoria and attachment. A study of fMR imaging by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher shows that romantic love activates the brain’s reward system, similar to the effects of addictive substances. When you first experience this, this biochemical reaction is deeply imprinted in your memory, making it a reference point for future relationships.
2. Development significance


The first love often occurs during adolescence, which is a critical period for emotional and psychological development. Our peak processing and memory at around 18 years old, MIT cognitive scientists explain that our experience during this time is particularly influential. That’s why your first relationship based on a strong sense of love is still engraved in your mind.
3. Idealization and uniqueness
The novelty of first love leads to idealization, and you see this relationship as perfect or unique. This idealization is a key aspect of first love psychology and its lasting effect on human choice in adult relationships. Author Rosemary Rogers captures this view, saying, “First love, the first romance, is so special emotionally and physically that it touches our lives and enriches them forever.”
Related readings: A few years later I saw my first love
4. Cognitive bias
Research shows that our first obsession is not only difficult to overcome, but also shapes our romantic preferences. Cognitive bias can play a role in this trend. During first love, cognitive biases such as halo effect and confirmation bias increase, thus focusing on the positive traits of romantic interests and ignoring the flaws. These biases aggravate the emotional experience and make it more memorable.
5. Emotional resilience and growth
Experience first love and its potential losses help emotional resilience. It tells you the complexity of vulnerability, empathy, and human connections, which are crucial for personal growth. For many, their first love is closely linked to their first heartbreak – it can be a painful and often life-changing emotional event. The way one navigates these ups and downs may become an emotional blueprint for how they can do similar situations in their later life.
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Is it true that men will never forget their first love?
The idea that men will never forget their first love has always been a topic of popular culture and academic research. Although some studies have shown that early romantic experiences can leave a lasting impression, scientific evidence does not ultimately support the idea that men are unique or generally unable to surpass their first love.
Research shows that first love can greatly influence future romantic preferences. For example, early emotional experiences may create a “romantic blueprint” that brings individuals to trait-related partners, reminiscent of their initial love. This phenomenon emphasizes the lasting effect of early attachment on a person’s romantic life. However, it must be recognized that the intensity and duration of attachment to first love may vary widely among individuals.
Related readings: I realized in adulthood why they called it puppy love
You can’t stereotype men and the motivation for love. Many men may be dismissive, some may miss their first relationship but have no lingering feelings for their ex-partners, and some may view this experience as a life lesson of what to do and not do in relationships. Take this Reddit user as an example, he discredited a man’s first love theory and said, “Oh my god. He continued to add:
Another user has similar experiences to share:
This is also the harvest of Nancy’s research on reigniting romantic history. She found that while some people remained in close contact with their first love, others did not experience the same lasting attachment. This variability suggests that individual factors, rather than gender alone, play an important role in remembering and valuing first love.
Furthermore, social norms and expectations can influence how men deal with and express emotions related to past relationships. Traditionally, men are encouraged to suppress emotional vulnerability, which may affect the way they internalize and recall their first romantic experiences. But the contemporary shift to emotional openness is challenging these norms, giving people a more nuanced understanding of how men reflect on past love.
Key pointer
- The intensity of first love creates a “romantic blueprint” that shapes future relationships and attractive patterns
- Research shows that men tend to have longer memories and emotions over longer periods, often due to less emotions
- Many men continue to move forward, personal growth and personal experiences play a more important role than gender-only
- Cultural expectations surrounding masculinity may cause men to suppress emotions, which may make their first love more influential
The final thought
So, will men overcome their first love or hold the theory of first love? Although first love often occupies a special place in people’s memory (men and women), people generally forget that this is not the case with their first love. Individual differences, social influence and personal growth trajectory all help to remember first love and integrate it into one’s life narrative.
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