Anal Sex: Getting Past the Tip

Just like any erotic experience in your sensitive intimate areas, anal sex can feel really great, just okay, or uncomfortable (or even painful) – and one bad time might keep you from exploring deeper levels of pleasure down under. But you’re doing yourself an injustice to let fear of a bad time stop you from experiencing really, really great anal, with the right techniques of course! Here’s our anal sex guide to help you get past the tip.

Myth #1: Anal sex is for gay men, only

This idea started with the AIDS epidemic in the 80s. Then, unprotected anal sex was the most common method of infection for the HIV/AIDS virus which was then viewed as a gay male disease. In reality, anyone can contract HIV/AIDS, it can be spread through more sexual activity than just anal sex, and anal sex between the sexes has been part of sexual expression for… as long as humans have been alive.

 “Ancient Greek pottery (c. 500 B.C.) shows men engaged in homosexual anal intercourse. But the oldest known depictions of heterosexual anal appear 800 years later on Peruvian pottery (c. 300 A.D.). In Peru 1,700 years ago, hetero-anal intercourse was by no means rare. On surviving pottery depicting erotic art, one-third of it shows hetero-anal intercourse. Chinese and Japanese woodblock prints (16th to19th centuries) depict heterosexual anal intercourse fairly frequently. And ever since the invention of photography (1840) and motion pictures (1890), pornography has shown hetero-anal play.” (Castleman)

Unfortunately, some hetero couples are afraid of the gay/religious stigma of the act that they are less likely to A) admit to anal sex/play, and B) educate themselves on the safety of that play, which can lead to more discomfort and pain when actually attempting.

Myth #2: Anal sex is dirty or gross

When I began writing for SGP, I promised myself I’d never lie to readers, and I won’t. Anal sex can come with “accidents” that can make it feel more gross or dirty. Usually, if an “accident” happens, it’s extremely minor (think: baby wipes on-hand rather than needing to shower and change the sheets) and these accidents can be minimized or eliminated entirely by adequately preparing for receiving. 

If one is going to engage in anal sex (and personally, I highly recommend it) there are steps of preparation that can be taken to make the experience much more pleasant. Anal preparation can help you avoid accidents, the worry of accidents, and help you enjoy this totally worthwhile sexual act.

Preparation techniques:

• Enema vs. Anal Douche: You can use anal douche bulbs or enemas to to clear out your lower bowel areas and prepare for penetration. Anal douching and enemas are essentially the same process, and often use the same equipment, to introduce liquid into the rectum to evacuate the bowels. Some contain a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, though many folks recommend using just regular, room-temperature water or saline for douching, and discarding any medicated or cleansing water that comes in an anal douche, as it can be irritating to the bowels and cause more discomfort. 
• Have a bowel movement before, eat healthy, and avoid laxatives: This is a good option for people who are opening up to anal play and who aren’t comfortable yet inserting a device into their anus and cleansing themselves in the previously mentioned ways. Simply eating well, avoiding laxatives or stimulants like coffee, and having a bowel movement an hour or two before will help clear you out to prepare for play!

Anal Sex and Play Safety and Warm Up

Why it’s important:

Anal tissue is thin, tight, and not self-lubricating. This can make anal sex/play dangerous if you don’t know how to do it safely. The anus is prone to micro-tears as it’s such a sensitive tissue, which makes it easier to transmit STI’s. It also means it’s prone to be more uncomfortable overall, but with the right technique, you can make it much more comfortable and incredibly pleasurable!

Don’t get scared off! Here are your options:

Anal Play: Gloves and finger condoms are used more than you’d think! They can make anal play with fingers much more comfortable, and avoid nails hurting that sensitive tissue. Lube is always a must for protection and pleasure with these protective options, to make sure everything is moving smooth and comfortable throughout your play. To start, massage an anus in a circular motion to ease those muscles and prepare it for preparation. Then, go slow upon insertion and get your partner’s feedback throughout to ensure their comfort! 

Anal-Oral Play: Rimming can also be incredibly pleasurable, and a great way to warm up the anal muscles for play. When giving or receiving a rim job, or even cunnilingus, dental dams are a great idea. Pick some up on Amazon for about a dollar per piece.

Anal Penetration: Whether you’re inserting a penis or a toy, always use lots of lube – both to increase pleasure, and to reduce friction that can cause microtears and discomfort. When shopping for lube, we recommend that you pick up some lube specifically for your back door, as it’s crafted to be thicker and long-lasting than traditional water-based lubricants. Many find that silicone-based lube is best for the task, just be cautious when using with silicone toys as it can degrade the toy material.

How to ease into anal with toys:

To reiterate, start with lots and lots of lube before you even think about using a toy.

When you’re ready, you can use high quality anal toys to warm up before main penetration. Some anal toys even come in varying sizes to help you gradually increase in size before taking the real thing.

Make sure your anal toys are body-safe, and non-porous! Toys that contain phthalates, PVC, thermoplastic rubber (TPR), or thermoplastic elastomer (TPE) can have toxic chemicals that leak through your sensitive anal walls, and porous materials can harbor germs and bacteria.

Now, you might be ready to ease it in. As much as you see people in porn taking their partner’s whole length on the first try, don’t try it at home. Go slow, listen to your partner, ease into it, and keep asking your partner for feedback.