Substance/Sex Addiction: Essential Tasks in Early Recovery –

Dr. David Fawcett

If you use sex drugs, it’s important to address and stabilize any emergencies you may have. You must ensure that you are safe and that your health and life are not put at risk. This may mean visiting your doctor for a physical or the emergency room if you have a medical emergency. If you can’t stop using or don’t do well, it may also mean hospitalization or intensive outpatient treatment. If your substance of choice is a stimulant drug, you may experience paranoia and other psychotic symptoms that will require evaluation and stabilization.

In addition to the obvious and immediate measures, you should:

• Practice self-care.
• Learn to manage triggers and cravings.
• Learn to regulate your emotions without falling into addiction.
• Build a support network.

In this article, I will discuss the third essential task of substance/sexual recovery: healthy emotional regulation.

Once any crisis and physical needs have stabilized, the next step is to pay careful attention to your emotional health. This includes developing self-awareness around your thoughts and feelings, as well as the ability to use healthy coping mechanisms to regulate your emotions into a balanced state. It also involves the ability to process negative emotions and generate positive emotions, to have healthy intimate relationships and feel socially supported, and to have a sense of meaning, purpose, and self-efficacy.

Other ways to regulate yourself include cognitive restructuring, which is done through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Reality testing and the use of problem-solving and emotion-regulation skills (such as those in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)), including techniques such as “wise thinking” for working with distress, are also very useful. Self-regulation may also include one or more of the grounding techniques discussed below.

Before listing specific techniques, it’s important to note that the effectiveness of grounding techniques increases with practice. Like any skill, the more you practice, the more proficient you become.

The following list describes a variety of useful grounding techniques. Try different methods and choose the ones that appeal to you for further practice.

• 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Method: Many people find this skill very effective in quickly reconnecting them to the present moment. This is just a countdown: name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste . This technique quickly engages all five senses, and the mental agility required distracts you from disturbing thoughts.
• 4-7-8 breathing: This technique uses the breath as a tool to regulate the mind and body. Imagine a metronome counting regular beats. Breathe in for a count of four, preferably through your nose. Hold your breath and count to seven. Then exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to eight. Doing this a few times will reduce your stress symptoms. A longer exhale indicates physical relaxation. This technique is subtle and can be done during a meeting or at a traffic light.
• Imagine an activity that brings you joy: Thinking about an activity you enjoy engages multiple senses and is a great way to refocus your attention. For example, if you enjoy playing the piano, think of a favorite piece of music and imagine yourself playing it. Pay attention to the keys as you strike them with your fingers, your posture in front of the keyboard, the feel of the pedals under your feet, and the sound of the music itself. As you play the piece in your head, don’t forget to notice any sensations or physical sensations.
• Take advantage of hot and cold temperatures: Harnessing temperature can be an effective way to reconnect with our bodies, especially when we are daydreaming or dissociating. For example, someone who is activated by fight-or-flight emotions may find an ice pack soothing. The same person may also experience relief by noticing the sensation of a cold drink being swallowed and passed through the esophagus to the stomach. Some people find it helpful to put their hands in cold water. Warm or high heat can also be used. Those who tend to feel numb or cold often find a heating pad or warm drink soothing.
• Hold an object: Certain objects such as stones, feathers, and beads can symbolize safety, healing, and emotional connection. If you have something like this in your life, try to hold it in your hands. Feel its temperature, whether its surface is rough or smooth, cool or warm, hard or soft. Try to feel the energy the object contains and how it feels in your hands.
• Connect with your pet: It has long been recognized that animals are wonderful companions to humans, not only because of their unconditional love, but also because we can form emotional connections with them even when we struggle in relationships. Hug your dog or cat, snuggle up to them, or hold your bird on your finger. Look into their eyes. Pet them and find their favorite spots. Feel the weight or heat of their body. Place your hand on their heart and feel the connection.
• Eye contact: Trauma therapists know that if someone is having trouble regaining emotional balance and calm, it can be helpful to get them to open their eyes. This is something to do anyway, as it’s easy to slip into fantasy with your eyes closed. This is very basic when we make direct eye contact with another person. This may not always be possible, but it’s useful to remember this powerful technique.
• Favorite place: Think of your favorite place, a place where you feel physically comfortable and safe. Use all your senses and imagine yourself in that place. What color do you see? The blue of the sky, the green of the grass, the vibrant hues of the flowers? What do you smell? Ocean air, fallen leaves, or freshly cut grass? Really be in this place with all your senses for a few minutes and notice the calming effect it has on your body and mind.
• Connect with your body: Our bodies are expressions of who we are and they possess incredible intelligence. Connect with your body in any way possible. Some people prefer progressive relaxation, gradually tightening and relaxing various muscle groups in the body. Others may feel grounded by embracing themselves and experiencing their body’s reaction to it. Others may benefit from tapping acupuncture points on the body. Listen carefully to anything your body may be telling you.

When intense thoughts and feelings throw you off balance, any of the techniques listed here can be used to help you stay grounded and present. The more you practice these skills, the more effective they will be, and as you grow in recovery, they will eventually become second nature.

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If you or a loved one is struggling with sex, porn, or substance/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to residential rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for male sex addicts and male porn addicts new to recovery. Click here to learn about our Sex Addiction Task Force. Click here to learn about our Porn Addiction Task Force.