Building Healthy Relationships: Finding My True Love

Build healthy relationships

Building healthy relationships has changed my life. After being in an abusive relationship that suffocated me, I finally found true loveNow, I feel safe, valued, and able to breathe freely. This is my story of finding peace and happiness with people who truly care about me.

A conversation with my partner got me thinking

Yesterday my partner and I were having a serious conversation about our relationship and future, and as we were driving he turned to me and said;

“I’m your first normal boyfriend, right?” (This is not a question, it’s a statement)

I responded, “I think so.”

His response was “I know because sometimes you act funny.”

I sat in the car thinking and when I realized I was quiet he asked me if I was okay.

The truth is, I wasn’t sure if I was okay, I didn’t know what to think, or how to feel, but I knew in that moment, and at many times before that, that He had noticed me and how I was feeling.

I don’t know what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship

I guess you could say this was a new experience for me, so later that day, and again this morning as I began to think about it, I came to the conclusion that I had no idea how to act or feel in a good relationship.

I tend to overanalyze

Many times I would overthink situations, overanalyze comments, text messages, exact wording, and every detail. The first thing I learned when I started a relationship now that made me realize how toxic my previous situation was was to unlearn all of my previous “habits” of coping.

I feel like I need to apologize for every little thing

Apologizing is my worst habit, and while it may not seem that bad, I apologize for everything, especially when I feel like my partner might not like something, I take responsibility and apologize to make sure it doesn’t escalate. I used to blame myself for a lot of things, especially things that I knew would trigger my previous partner, and now I find myself having to eliminate all triggers and stop feeling sorry for them.

In the past, love was like a transaction

Overcompensation is also a big habit of mine. Bad experiences in the past taught me that I would never get the love I deserved. It taught me that love is based on rules and only good behavior can be loved in return. Bad experiences taught me that I will never be good enough and I must keep working on it.

Toxic relationships changed my self-worth

Looking back on the situation now, I find it extremely difficult to love someone who basically didn’t deserve it and couldn’t stand it, but somehow I found good in them so I didn’t give up. The transition from a toxic situation to being single, to learning to love myself, to now being truly loved has been an eye-opener for me. My new relationship may not be what I’m used to, but it’s exactly what I deserve.

I tried my best but it wasn’t good enough

In the past I tried my best but it wasn’t good enough so I tried harder to prove my love and finally when I felt completely comfortable in the relationship, when I broke down all the barriers and restraints, I knew I loved this person with all my heart and soul and that was enough.

I have to start this healthy relationship with a clear mind

I forced myself to go into this relationship with a clear mind and eyes, I chose to love with all my heart even though it was very difficult at first and even though I thought everyone had motives and everyone was lying and hiding things. I had to force myself to stop making assumptions about certain situations and then explain to my partner how I came to this crazy conclusion not because I didn’t trust him but because my past situations taught me every loophole that led to pain.

How could things be so good? How could he be talking to another girl and not hurt me.

It’s so nice and unbelievable that someone actually respects me.

Injuries are no longer a daily occurrence

The pain is normal, it no longer hurts like it did in the beginning, my tolerance and endurance for pain has become so unbreakable that most relationship break ups don’t seem that bad to me. People often comment on how weak a person is, or how weak one must be to stay in a relationship Toxic Relationshipbut for me it was quite the opposite.

It takes a very strong person to weather it all and still find the good, not give up even if that person doesn’t deserve your loyalty and love. It takes an even stronger person to walk away, and an even stronger person to love and accept love again.

I finally understand what love is

Then finally you understand What is love?that was truly the moment that took my breath away. You didn’t flinch when they raised their hands and placed them affectionately on your legs. His affection no longer surprised you, and you finally felt this wonderful feeling, a sense of peace, and you breathed in. You were fully aware, and in that moment, there was no anxiety, no pressure, no pain, just breathing.

If you’re not sure how to navigate a good relationship, if you don’t trust in the first place, or if you’re not sure if you should follow your gut, that’s okay, but you can be vulnerable and learn because this person can’t hurt you.

At first, it can be hard to know how much compliments are too much, or what compliments are appropriate, or even how much to say without sounding crazy or over the top, and you definitely don’t have to think about how much is enough or not enough.

Good relationships are about loving and being vulnerable with each other.

Because it is in that moment that good relationships happen, it is in that moment that they will fall in love with you, love you for being vulnerable, love you for what you’ve been through, love you who will now be taught that love is not manipulation.

I was constantly amazed by this guy, I spent a lot of time staring at him in awe, and that was the beautiful feeling.

When you pick yourself up and love her the way she deserves, something changes and in return you are given a love so pure, so genuine, so unconditional. She will heal you in ways you didn’t even know you needed, just as you healed her”

Morgan x

Meet Morgan, a young designer who advocates for equality and against violence and whose journey in the adult industry has been transformative.