What is sexual aversion? What can you do about it?

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In our society, we focus on everything sexual. From beer ads to Halloween costumes, we stumble across something sexual every five steps. Even celebrities who go into rehab for sex addiction make the front pages.

As a culture, we are obsessed with sex.

But what about the other side of the scale? In this article, we’ll explore what sexual aversion is, where it comes from, and what people can do to deal with it.

What is sexual aversion?

Generally speaking, it’s a condition characterized by an extreme fear, anxiety, or reluctance to have sex — or even to see genitals. However, generalizations don’t really help those who suffer from it or are in a relationship with someone who suffers from it.

Firstly, sexual aversion can be divided into two categories…

1. Learned disgust – A person only feels this way about one person, or only at a certain stage in life. This feeling can stem from sexual abuse, anxiety disorders, or even certain medications that have a side effect of losing sexual desire – just to name a few.

2. Lifelong disgust – Someone who has experienced trauma (usually sexual or incest) at an early age, where sex is neurologically associated with danger or shame. This can include growing up in a strict household where sex is seen as “dirty” or even having gender identity issues.

What is the core?

It is important to remember that any degree of sexual aversion depends on anxiety…and not in the way you feel before a test or a presentation. This is a deep and painful feeling that most people cannot understand unless they have experienced it themselves.

According to the Mayo Clinic, people with anxiety disorders can also experience these symptoms…

• Insomnia or sleeping problems
• fatigue
• Palpitations
• Headache
• Vomiting, nausea
• Irritable bowel syndrome
• Easily startled
• Muscle pain, muscle tension, or tightness
• Twitching or shaking
• Sweating

Now, if you think about what happens during sex—such as increased heart rate and sweating—this can feel uncomfortable, much like some of the feelings people might have when they are anxious. The flight or fight response can become so severe that they avoid sex altogether so they can avoid those feelings.

Some other things people might do are…

• Avoid any physical contact that could lead to sexual activity (even kissing or holding hands)
• Avoiding sex because they have performance issues/fears
• Feeling a certain degree of pressure during sex
• Having sex anyway, even if they don’t feel like it (this can be very damaging mentally and is not a healthy solution).
• They may panic at the mere thought of sexual contact
• Feeling nauseous at the sight of any genital discharge
• If the injury is severe enough, you may even vomit or faint.
• Taking on jobs or chores that take them away from their spouse so they can avoid any opportunities for sexual advances
• Ignore their appearance and make them look less attractive
• Pretend to be uncomfortable or asleep to avoid conflict with your partner.

Related questions Sexual aversion

In many societies, sexual “defects” are looked down upon. Because of this, many people will not seek any kind of help.

They feel shame and guilt for avoiding their partner—they still love their partner, but just don’t want to have sex with them. Plus, talking to their partner about this can seem impossible. After all, it’s a safe bet that the other person will automatically assume it’s because of them—that they’re “not good enough” or resentful for not being “wanted.”

Even those who are on medication—and who have clear reasons for their aversion to sex—may feel bad about not being enthusiastic in bed.

But what if you can’t pinpoint where the avoidance behavior is coming from?

What if you don’t have trauma or medications in your past that cause the problem? This can be maddening. All of this doesn’t even count what is considered normal social interaction. That is, some strangers like to hug after just a few minutes of meeting. Or pats on the shoulder, friendly massages, tickles, and hugs (which can be a form of “touch sensitivity” or “touch aversion”).

When a person carries such a heavy burden, he may feel that he is powerless. But this is not the case.

Possible treatments or solutions

1. Talk to your doctor about adjusting your medication to get your libido back a little bit.
2. Talk to a therapist — including a psychologist or sex therapist
3. Try “desensitization,” slowly introducing the patient to deeper and deeper intimacy (generally this should be avoided with people who have experienced sexual trauma).
4. Cognitive behavioral therapy or “comprehensive” treatment
5. Meditation and relaxation – allow patients to eliminate the source of their aversion.
6. Simple things like setting boundaries with your partner or limiting sexual contact
7. Avoid sex completely until the problem goes away

Final Thoughts About sexual disgust

Personally, I’ve dealt with sexual aversion firsthand – caused by a combination of anxiety and medication issues.

Even though I still feel guilty about not having sex, I try to remind myself that it’s OK to take a break from sex. Anyone should remember that their feelings are not uncommon. There are a lot of people who go through these issues.

It’s totally okay to ask for help!