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Most articles will tell you about various standard ways to achieve your wishes. But in this article, you’ll learn how to get your libido from a sex therapist and coach specialized Low libido.

He knows it’s not just about what turns you on, but also what turns you off.

Because when you’re no longer horny, you feel like something is seriously wrong. But most likely not—and there’s a lot you can do to regain your libido.

Let me tell you how.

The Biggest Myth About How to Get Sexual

When you haven’t had your libido for a while, it might be tempting to fall back on those old, familiar tricks. You know the ones; new positions, arranging sex or trying out some sexy lingerie. Although these things are certainly able Work – If you have a really hard time getting horny, they’ll rarely do it on their own.

In fact, not only may the quick sex tips above not work, but they can also promote disappointment and frustration.

Because if you have literally zero sex drive, and have had it for months or years, trying something that doesn’t work can often lead to despair.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should never try to inject a little sexual novelty or prioritize sex by making sure it happens.

But it does mean you need to focus on two things first:

exercise Why you lack desire
This will remind you of what you need to change to achieve your sexual desire. If you skip this step – it’s like being stabbed in the dark.
Because if your low libido is caused by, say, shame about sex, changing birth control may not have a significant impact on you. Or, if your antidepressants are the culprit, no amount of lube will get you excited about sex again.
Need help? My free 10-page resource, The Desire Test, helps you pinpoint various factors that may be negatively affecting your sexual interest.
work turn you off As many things as you can get excited about.
When you do this, you’ll feel desire from every angle. Because desire is more than a switch that can be turned on. Even if you’re doing everything you’re “supposed” to do, it can be hindered by a number of things that kill any chance of cultivating desire.

Why is it so hard for you to get excited?

There are many reasons why you may lack sexual arousal and desire. These range from biological factors to various cultural reasons, showing how complex sexual desire actually is.

biological and medical reasons

Diabetes and thyroid problems
hormonal birth control
lack of testosterone
certain antidepressant medications

psychological reasons

relationship reasons

Resentment and repressed emotions
emotional disconnect
Unequal division of labor in the family
Have sex to avoid conflict

cultural reasons

Compare your sex life to other people’s sex lives
Feeling like you don’t match what you see in the media
Negative messages about sex in childhood
Shame on you for not being in good boot shape

When you consider all of the above factors, you’ll quickly see why just following a quick tip or two may not always be the solution.

That being said, after following step 1, you will hopefully be ready for some of the suggestions below.

Want your libido back?

My free resource, The Desire Test, helps you take the first step toward increasing your libido by understanding your decline in libido.

Take the 10-page assessment quiz to get the answers you need, learn what’s holding you back, and get free sex and relationship tips delivered straight to your inbox. You can cancel your subscription at any time.

How to get aroused and feel desire

Here are some ways to help you light the fire again.

Emotional connection with you

While your emotions may not seem that important when you’re horny, they actually do.

If you’re disconnected from your overall feelings, it’s difficult to appreciate your feelings of sexual arousal and desire.

Likewise, the same thing can happen if you’re used to suppressing uncomfortable feelings like anger and sadness.

This is because desire is a part of who you are, and your whole self affects your level of desire. To get horny, read my free 6-page Emotions Workbook to learn how to connect with your feelings.

Pay attention to what is sexy in your daily life

It would be great if our desires could hit us like a bolt of lightning, but for many people (especially those in long-term relationships), that’s not the case.

It’s also easy to get caught up in our own thoughts and question why we don’t have desires. So, to start getting in the mood for sex, pay attention to your surroundings.

What has appealed to you throughout your life? It could be how a person looks, smells, or even a story that makes you feel a little antsy and bothered. The more you focus on what you find sexy, the easier it will be for your desires to flow to you.

Learn how to stop arguments about sex

If you’re in a committed relationship, there’s a good chance your sexual desires don’t match. There’s nothing surprising about this – it’s more common than uncommon. However, just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s frictionless.

For many couples, differing desires can turn into arguments. Sometimes, even non-sexual conflicts about the litter box or cleaning up after dinner can turn into arguments about intimacy.

While arguments aren’t all bad (and can even be healthy!), repeated arguments about sex won’t do anything positive for your libido.

That’s why it’s important to learn how to stop arguing about sex and start talking about it more effectively. Because once that resentment is no longer an obstacle – it’s easier think It’s your partner again.

Use your five senses

When we think about sex, we tend to focus on the physical aspects. It makes sense—for many of us, it’s one of the defining characteristics of sex. However, sex is more than just our touch and physical pleasure.
It also engages all of our other senses and integrates them into the experience. Just like paying attention to what’s sexy to you in your daily life is a great way to get aroused, so is tuning in to your senses of sight, hearing, smell, and taste.

If you can connect with these in a non-sexual, enjoyable way throughout the day – it can reduce stress and make it easier for you to get into the sexual mood.

Explore your sexual orientation

Sex can easily become boring. Especially in long-term relationships, we often end up creating a manuscript about what sex is, what it involves, and how it happens. It can make sex boring, killing your motivation and desire to have sex next time.

In fact, our sexual orientation changes throughout our lives. This means that what may have worked for us in the past does not work for us now. For example, maybe there’s a fantasy you once had but no longer do, or a position you enjoy.

Whatever it was and is—what you can start to notice as you approach your sexuality with an exploratory stance Do Work for you now instead of trying to relive your old job and get nowhere.

In fact, research shows that the more flexible we are in our sexual relationships, the more sexual well-being we create.

As a sex therapist, I know this all too well in my practice—the less strict a couple is about sex (how, where, and what constitutes sex), the better their sex lives and relationships are.

This can be done in a variety of ways, for example, one popular way is through sexual stimulation of the brain.

stimulate your brain

As you explore your interests, you’ll want to examine a variety of mediums to see which one works best for you. Today, there are a lot of apps to choose from, from apps like Dipsea that offer audio porn, to written erotic novels (free and paid online), to visual porn.

The key here is to stay curious and see what floats your boat. If you don’t want to stimulate your mind with anything, just see where your fantasies take you. Maybe by reflecting on a fond memory from the past.

Tell your partner what you want

Although it can be awkward, talking about sex is often a key step in restoring sexual desire and arousal.

This is especially true if sex feels awkward or if there’s something you want or need that you’re not getting in the bedroom.

If you haven’t had sex in a long time, it may make it harder to talk about it. But talking about all the sex you haven’t had (and how you’d like to change it) can be a great icebreaker.

When we’re able to be vulnerable with our partners in this way, it can lead to better sex. Some ways to have the conversation might be:

“Hey, I’d love to talk to you about something that’s making me a little nervous, so it would be nice to have your undivided attention.”
“It feels a little awkward to bring it up, but I’ve noticed lately that I’m not as excited as I used to be.”

Redefining the meaning of sex

If you have trouble finding the mood for intimate sex, you may also be experiencing sexual pressure. A great way to reduce these negative emotions is to redefine what sex is and can be.

When I meet with my clients, I usually refer to it as “sex,” rather than eating the entire meal at once. Essentially, this means treating anything sensual or sexual you and your partner might do as sex.

When you do this, you will immediately feel more relaxed because the goalposts are closer. You’ll also be easing yourself into sex in a gentler way, which can make a huge difference if you haven’t had sex in years.

Contact your partner

If you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner, this may have a negative impact on your desire. Not to mention how it affects your overall relationship!

Not everyone needs an emotional connection to have a sexual connection, but if that’s you, this is a good area to focus on. Some simple ways are:

Schedule a date night to talk about things other than practicality
Make time to have a cup of coffee together in the morning, even if it’s just five minutes
Try couples exercises to promote emotional connection, like my free 14-page Intimacy Q&A Guide.

When to see a sex therapist or coach

Sometimes we can do all of the above and still feel like we’re not making any progress. We may even feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things we are going through. Can Go and try, we do nothing.

This may be especially true if you’ve been struggling with a sexual desire mismatch for a long time and it’s taking a toll on your relationship or marriage.

Sex therapists and coaches can help you get over your slump and become horny again. Even if it’s been years since you last had sex (or had sex on your terms).

That being said, seeking professional help can be daunting. Especially for something as personal as sex. For this reason alone, it can be comforting to know that seeing a sex therapist doesn’t necessarily require face-to-face therapy (or even having your partner with you).

You can work with a sex therapist in several ways:

Exercises in a Sex Therapist’s Office
Virtual individual or couples session
Online courses and courses (self-study or additional 1:1 support)
Workshops and independent exercises on how to restore your sexual desire

The most important thing to consider when you’re stuck is that the sooner you seek help and make changes, the sooner you can get out of the situation and enjoy intimacy and sex.

While this may be obvious, research shows that we tend to avoid asking for help whenever possible, causing unnecessary suffering and reducing the chances of solving the problem when we eventually get help.

On average, couples wait six years to get help. This doesn’t have to be you.

If you’re ready to take the plunge and follow a structured process to gain sexual desire and arousal again (created by a sex therapist who specializes in treating low libido) – I’ve got plenty of options for you here.

Whether you make a change today, tomorrow, or next month – know this; change is possible, even if it feels like it’s impossible. you able Learn how to turn your phone on again.

9 Tips from a Sex Therapist to Get Horny Without Desire

The Biggest Myth About How to Get Sexual