5 reasons why you (not AI!) should write yourself

Sometimes people are surprised to hear that I have been writing about sex and relationships for over a decade, and it seems impossible to have That There is a lot more to say about these topics (the number of 1.4 million words on this blog will vary!). What I always tell them is that sex and romance are endless – not only because they contain infinite changes, but because technological and cultural advancements keep driving them. Sometimes these evolve slowly, sometimes they get sudden – for example, language models like Chatgpt influence the way dating is online.

I won’t be too deeply criticized for this type of AI, because you may have heard them: creative theft, ecological impact, and more. All of these things are important and written in detail by people who know more than I do – but another thing that makes me bother with AI is the way it can affect our relationships.

already yes In fact, affect them. I know there are several people (myself included) who are surprised and hurt when a friend or partner sends text that seems to be generated by chatgpt, as if they can delegate personal contact to a digital assistant. Similarly, some news outlets have reported on the phenomenon of people who use AI for online dating — either helping them make their profiles or (in my opinion, worse) writing messages for them.

I am a socially anxious person myself and I know this impulse very well – but today I want to make you why Absolutely not Do this, even if you really want to. You will briefly change your potential partner, but most importantly, you will shorten yourself. Why:

1. The AI generated messages are not good. Like, embarrassingly bad.

Seriously. And they are easy to spot, especially those who use these LLMs and are familiar with their rhythm. you real Hopefully someone has your first impression of “This person is intellectually lazy, socially unskilled, and completely uninterested in real relationships”?

I promise that even if you think you are a bad writer, you will be ahead of the curve, and if you write only specific compliments about the person’s profile, then an open and interesting question whose profile is inspired by you. Sounds like youunlike the ruthless collage of stolen excerpts. At this point…

2. you (not AI) needs to be clarified What are your interests About the person you are sending.

Sometimes people ask me, “What should I say in my first online date message?” After telling them about the girls who are on the web “Apperiment + Question + Connect” formula, I usually add: What caught your attention to people’s profile? What makes you swipe correctly correctly (or equivalent on the app/site of your choice)? Of course, it’s more specific and interesting than “it looks hot in their photos.” Think about the answer to this question and you will have some good starting point for initial news.

Of course, you Can Screenshot someone’s profile and feed it into the AI to generate a list of potential questions and conversation points – but then you’ll send them information about them robot Discovery is worth noting. By comparison, you Finding clues about the popularity of someone’s profile is very useful – they can help you come up with a conversation topic, but more importantly, they can help you evaluate if this is someone you want and/or may be attracted/potentially compatible with. When you delegate this recognition task to a robot, you are robbing your own chances to have more connections to your desires and to have real connections with the people who can achieve them.

3. You can only socialize better by doing more.

As I mentioned, I am socially anxious myself – so I sympathize with those who find social interaction with Chatgpt, and I do do it…but, taking the simple way out is that you never learn to go the harder route, so that route is still unfamiliar and stubborn. When this route happens to lead to cool things – like deep, intimate relationships, this can be a huge frustrating thing. Dating is a digital game that ends up being a social skills training ground for all kinds of people, not just socially anxious people – so try not to feel bad about it; we all have to start somewhere.

Also, it doesn’t sound like Luddite, a sirens, but some emerging science shows that over time, the use of Chatgpt may make you more lazy and untouched… This is not ideal for its impact on relationships, and in this field, a mental disengagement can be very obvious, hurtful and destructive. (Ever tried to tell a fragile personal story to a partner or close friend who obviously doesn’t listen?

4. When you encounter an IRL, your AI message will be Very good It’s obvious in retrospect.

Seriously, no one is talking in the way they say it – if they do, they sound weird! – So, your date may soon realize that the text you are exchanging is fake, which (again) embarrasses you and makes it difficult for the other person to feel that their connection to you is real.

You also put them in an awkward position because they may be suspicious of AI involvement, but may not want to sound or be crazy by bringing it up. However, they might be distracted to know this throughout the date, which brought me to my fifth and final point…

5. You cannot outsource your intimacy and vulnerability.

This is really big, isn’t it?

When I say “intimate relationship” I mean emotional (I don’t use it as a sexual euphemism). This type of intimacy is impossible to establish without some kind of mutual vulnerability. And if all your messages (even some) are written by Chatgpt, you are avoiding vulnerability, so you are avoiding the intimacy itself.

I can’t let someone in unless I think they let me in, too. If their softness, my heart or my body does not trust someone if they hold me emotionally. And if Chatgpt is writing their text for them, they might as well show up on dates, wearing the face of someone who has pasted on someone else’s face – it’s the same connective tissue, equally sexy, and will be like lying down.

Dear readers, how do you think of all this? Make a random sound in the comments…

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

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