15 Topics Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage

The topics couples should discuss before marriage are one of the important ways to build a healthy and lasting marriage.

Marriage is very different from falling in love. Not every couple in love plans to get married. People date for a variety of reasons, from fun to personal gain. Therefore, it may not be considered necessary to do a thorough investigation and ask the other person sensitive questions before entering into a relationship.

Little or no focus on compatibility and understanding. It’s all about infatuation, attraction and feelings. However, marriage is a completely different journey. Many factors must be considered.

Many times, people may not start out with the intention of getting married, they may start as friends, and as attraction and chemistry build, their intentions may progress from friendship to intimacy. At this stage, the interests of both parties have been reached. Next is planning how to take the relationship to the next level. This involves asking necessary questions and discussing certain topics.

So why do couples need to discuss this before getting married?

Realize common values ​​and interests.

One of the main causes of divorce is when people marry someone who doesn’t share their vision, which can be disastrous as different views on marriage often lead to misunderstandings.

Two people cannot be together unless they agree. The outlook on all aspects of life should be similar.

As a professional and resourceful woman, you need to marry a man who is passionate about career building, regardless of gender. Someone who doesn’t feel intimidated or whose sense of self is threatened because you make more than he does. A woman who does not feel that a resourceful woman equals a disobedient man. Therefore, the topics that couples should discuss before marriage are non-negotiable.

Create an emotional connection.

One of the growing causes of marital failure and infidelity is a lack of emotional connection. Many prospective marriage couples tend to overlook this fact, hoping that character and love alone will keep the marriage going, but the opposite is often the case. When a couple is not connected sexually or emotionally, one or both partners may be tempted to cheat on the other.

Build trust.

Many times, misunderstandings arise between couples due to small factors, which can be avoided with some discussion. Marriage is composed of two people with different backgrounds, different upbringings, different outlooks on life, and different mentality.

What means nothing to you may be important to another person. Your partner may be one of those people who attach so much meaning to things that may not be a big deal to you. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong either. This is their own view/opinion and they are entitled to it. Trying to change them would be the wrong and difficult approach because you cannot easily change adults, especially if they have adapted to their own lifestyle. The best and only way is to communicate effectively with them and discuss some sensitive topics to avoid unnecessary suspicion and insecurity.

Set boundaries.

Individuals often differ when it comes to privacy. Some people resent having their privacy invaded, no matter who is involved and how close their relationship is.

Although some people won’t mind as long as they come from loved ones.

Some people are so transparent that they don’t mind letting their loved ones use their phones, while others are overly protective of their privacy. This doesn’t always mean they have skeletons in the closet, but it might just have to do with upbringing.

Some people grow up in households where any family member can answer the phone in the absence of the owner, and in some households no one can answer anyone’s phone except in emergencies.

Growing up with these mindsets, in turn, can have a big impact on your marriage. This is why certain topics about boundaries should be brought up and agreed on so that there are no misunderstandings or mistrust in the long run.

Build tolerance.

Certain discussions are necessary during courtship as flaws and weaknesses are addressed to build tolerance and compatibility.

Most marriages don’t stand the test of time because one or both partners live under the pretense and it’s not until after the marriage that their partner begins to discover some faults that they can’t tolerate. It’s necessary to talk about each other’s weaknesses, especially weaknesses like anger and emotion management, so that nothing comes as a surprise to your spouse in the marriage. They are easier to process when they are discussed than when presented.

to determine compatibility.

Not all relationships or courtships lead to marriage. Remember, the main goal of courtship is to identify mutual interests and compatibility, which will determine the tendency to break up or move on to the next stage, i.e. marriage. The goal is not to achieve perfection, but to determine your tolerance for each other and determine what you can or cannot tolerate.

Know the importance of certain discussions in marriage. The next question is what basic topics couples should discuss.

Basic topics couples should discuss before marriage.

financial management

This is one of the things couples need to discuss before they say “I do.” Finance is one of the most important assets in life because we can hardly do any form of activity without involving money.

This is why it is sometimes seen as a weapon against humanity. Money can either strengthen or damage a relationship if neither party is given guidance on how to manage the relationship effectively.

Financial arguments in a marriage often arise due to salary differences between the spouses.

Men are regarded as the head of the family and naturally have to bear 70% of the responsibilities of the family, while women are the helpers.

Now imagine a situation where two people have equal wages or the man earns more? Who will bear primary responsibility in the home. This issue must be addressed properly or it will cause a lot of discussion in the family.

Career/Family Management.

Another important topic that couples should discuss before marriage is career management. This topic focuses on how to manage your career/work so that it does not interfere with your family.

Unfortunately, most couples prioritize the pursuit of money. Pursuing a luxurious and comfortable life is not bad, but focusing too much on luxury and neglecting your own home is controversial.

They tend to forget that whenever marriage is involved, it is not only about themselves but their unborn children as well. Soon, children will begin to be born, which will require adjustments/balances in their careers to develop their morals and integrity. Many times, children suffer emotionally and psychologically because parents are too busy to raise their children. They end up becoming victims of social pressure and stigma.

Related Articles How to Balance Your Love Life and Purpose.

Social life management.

This is one of the topics that couples should discuss before marriage to ensure the longevity of their marriage. We are in an age where social media seems to dominate every aspect of life, including marriage, and the pursuit of fame and recognition seems to have overtaken the pursuit of building a family.

Most people are more interested in seeking public approval of their marriage than actually working on their home. As a result, privacy seems to be compromised in most marriages. Discussing the use of social media in your marriage beforehand will avoid this situation.

If you don’t like posting about your marriage on social media, your partner should be fully informed so there are no misunderstandings tomorrow. The use of social media should also be well regulated so it does not interfere with marital privacy, especially if one party is not the social media type.

sexual compatibility

Sexual compatibility is underestimated and many people pretend it doesn’t matter during courtship. Many people tend to avoid these topics due to religious reasons. But over time, they will realize that this is one of the important topics that couples should discuss during courtship to ensure their sexual harmony. Know what turns each other on, understand each other’s sexual/romantic preferences, your love languages, and more. Ignoring these questions/topics will always lead to misunderstandings because one of the first reasons for marriage is to suppress sexual desire.

Couples who agree to remain celibate can still learn about each other’s sexual compatibility through intimate discussions before marriage without actual practice.

The goal is to ensure that the intimate parts of the relationship are not neglected.

Fertility/Family Planning.

This is very important as it is at the top of the list of topics couples should discuss before marriage. Procreation is one of the primary goals of marriage.

The number of children required in a marriage should be fully discussed before marriage as this will allow both parties to make plans to avoid having too many children beyond their financial means.

Goals and values.

One of the important topics couples should discuss before marriage is their personal goals. Like we explained before. One reason to have this discussion is to make sure the person you’re dating supports your vision and goals in life.

Unfortunately, many goals end when marriage calls. Many people give up their own goals, even at the expense of their own happiness, in order to respect their partner’s wishes. This situation could have been avoided if sensitive discussions had been held before the marriage.

Marriage is not just about having children or an intimate relationship, it is also about supporting each other and achieving your dreams in life. Marriage should build you up, not drain you. That’s why you need to have a discussion with your partner to make sure they’re considering your direction.

Weaknesses/Strengths

This is a very important discussion on the list of topics couples should discuss before marriage.

Understanding your partner’s weaknesses will promote understanding and eliminate unnecessary marital disputes.

Weakness is a common human trait, although it varies from person to person. It’s necessary that you talk about them to make sure you can tolerate other weaknesses. What matters is not whether you understand your partner when they are in a good mood, but how well you understand them when they are irritated or excited?

Can you control their temper during a heated argument?

Solve problems.

In a marriage, we cannot eliminate the possibility of problems, but what matters is how the couple handles them. How to respond should be vigorously discussed to prevent disagreements in a normal marriage from escalating into something more serious. Through this discussion, you can tell if your partner could use the five-letter word “I’m sorry,” or if they’re taking it too seriously.

Related articles address issues in long-term relationships.

Past relationships.

This should also be at the top of the list of topics couples should discuss during marriage, as many marriages are ruined by exes.

Discussions like this are important for others to understand their partner’s current status with their ex and if they are still interested in them or have feelings for them. Some people leave a relationship but never get over it with their partner, they still have unresolved feelings and therefore enter a new relationship as a rebound relationship in order to get over their partner. If such a relationship leads to marriage, there will certainly be instances of infidelity.

Discussing exes can help both parties understand whether they truly love each other or are using each other as rebound.

Discussing past relationships can also help identify other people’s past mistakes and correct them if necessary to avoid them recurring in the marriage.

Related Articles Getting Over an Ex You Still Love. 10 tips to guide you.

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