Yes, It’s OK If You’re a Virgin in Your 30s | Sex Toys

When it comes to losing your virginity, everyone has their opinion. The only one that really matters is yours. But since you can’t play your V card alone, it’s impossible to completely ignore other people’s opinions.

It doesn’t matter who or how many people you’ve slept with, but the concept of virginity still carries a lot of weight. amatonormative worldIt is assumed that everyone wants, needs, and benefits from a romantic and sexual relationship. Behaving in a way that does not fit this principle is therefore seen as strange or a sign of a major flaw.

Being a virgin “later in life” is seen as contrary to the norm, which can lead to feelings of shame in someone who hasn’t had sex for any number of valid reasons. When the topic of waiting until your late 20s and beyond to have sex with a partner was brought up on Instagram Beauty stories, our DMs have been flooded with shares about the ups and downs of being an older virgin, having your sexual debut later in life, and navigating that in dating and relationships along the way.

Regardless of why a person enters adulthood without having had sex with a partner, being an older virgin comes with its own set of challenges.

What counts as an older virgin?

When we use the terms “older” and “later in life” here, we are not talking about older people. On average, The Americans reported Women lose their virginity at age 17, and virgins make up 12.3 percent of women and 14.3 percent of men between the ages of 20 and 24. While 30 is still a long way from a natural descent into the grave, it is “older” by that national average standard.

That said, take this data with a grain of salt. The definition of virginity varies and is full of loopholes. And since virginity is often considered the first time you have penetrative sex, these numbers may not account for non-penetrative sex or sex between same-sex partners.

What is virginity?

Simply put, being a virgin means you haven’t had sex. But even that can be confusing, as there are a wide variety of definitions of “sex” for different people.

Today, the very idea of ​​virginity is somewhat dubious, given its crude origins. Historically, virginity referred to the presence or absence of a penis in the vagina (PIV). This is all tied to the patriarchal obsession with female purity, which stems from the idea that women are commodities to be sold.

Some well-meaning people have tried to give virginity a feminist spin by calling it a “sexual debut,” but by most interpretations, this does nothing to alleviate the pressures that come from putting partnered sex on a pedestal above other forms of sexual pleasure. After all, it’s not our partners or the things we do with them that make us sexual beings.

People are having less and less sex between partners in general

A recent social survey revealed that we are at Lowest level in 30 years for sexual relations between couplesMillennials and older Generation Z are wait longer to have sex than their predecessors. While this stigma around not having sex at 30 and beyond may persist, it is not so uncommon for this generation.

The possible reasons suggested for these trends are numerous: religious reasons or lack thereof; easier access to best quality porn and erotic mediaincreased use of sex toys; the financial pressures of working more for less and having to live with parents longer, which can make it harder to date and bring home a sexual partner; increased isolation and social anxiety; being overwhelmed by online dating and having no other way to meet potential partners. And of course, we rarely acknowledge the existence of asexual people in all of this thinking.

Some have even raised the idea that online sex positivity is a double-edged sword. For many, it encourages them to raise their standards and prioritize their own pleasure, while amplifying the insecurities of others.[You] “I see a lot of (justified) tweets that mercilessly attack men who don’t know how to make women cum or who don’t know how to handle a vulva or who are just bad in bed for one reason or another,” one interviewee told GQ“It’s hard to believe I wouldn’t be one of those men in the bedroom.”

The Bellesa community responds

When we asked Bellesa’s Instagram community if/when they had their sexual debut and what they thought about it, the candid responses poured in. Some common themes wove through them.

Many who sought to “lose” and end it all because of the pressure they felt to do so look back with indifference or disappointment on that first time. Those who are still virgins today are a bit of a mixed bag. It’s worth noting the camps of those who are proud of having chosen to wait and those who feel a sense of shame about it. Many people feel both simultaneously.

The most reassuring thing is that those who waited are glad they did. It gave them time to grow, to learn about their bodies, to refine their relationship values, and to know that it was the most authentic choice for them. As such, this group of respondents tended to feel empowered by shedding the virgin label on their terms. One BB put it best when she said, “It was great because I already had zero tolerance for bullshit.”

Of course, the path to empowerment isn’t a straight line. “Not having sex with a partner in my 20s gave me this irrational feeling of being unattractive,” one respondent said. Another admitted, “It felt so good to start having sex, but it’s hard to shake that feeling of shame.”

While it may cause some anxiety before and even after, the general consensus is that no one regrets waiting for the right time with the right person (whatever that means to you), and you’re never too young or too old to stand up for the terms of your pleasure.

Your pleasure is yours

While it may be a shame to some, there really is no shame in being a virgin at any age. If hundreds of BB Bellesa are to be believed, you are more likely to come out of the experience stronger if you do it when You to want.

Lately there has been a lot of focus on the sex people aren’t having, but the real questions we should be asking are: What pleasure am I experiencing? If I am not satisfied, what can I do to experience more pleasure based on who I am today?

Partnered sex is a pleasure and you should only engage in it if and when you feel comfortable. The problem is how people are led to do it when they don’t have any, which doesn’t help anyone.

While it doesn’t solve the problem of unfair social pressures, self-love can go a long way toward cultivating self-confidence in the face of those pressures. When you honor yourself, respect your pleasure, and meet yourself where you are rather than where society tells you to be, you open yourself up to so much more, alone or with any partner.