Womanizer toy malfunction/design and functional fail

I am raging. I need someone to hear me out, give an advice, do something about it!
The highly reviewed Womanizer premium vibration and suction clit vibrator.
Shape: 0 – slips out of hand, literally slides off because of the narrow end.
Buttons: 0 – should be on the handle, where i can easily manipulate it.
Noise: 0 – noisy motherfucker, sounds like a frickin helicopter
Charging: 0 – sucks! Because its magnetic hold, and it easily fuck up the battery itself.
Now the most important – FUNCTIONALITY:
The worst performance I ever encountered (besides men off course). First Womanizer I bought just died after a few months of barely using it. And it died on me, when i was about to big O (imagine the frustration). The company was so nice, and sent me another one, which from the start is working in such a weird and irritating way, i can’t just… Just watch the video, i mean LISTEN to it, and tell me, maybe I’m doing something wrong?? What is this drowning and choking sounds and sucking vibration it is making?? At minute 04:04 you’ll hear the straight brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr that it SHOULD be, but it disappears straight away and it starts giving this incoherent epileptic like bbrrrrhlrghlrhhfllegkdllshgjkrlrlr WTF air hits that literally fucks up all the pleasurable sensations. It just kills it. I have to sweat and work it out for a straight hour and more. My hands are numb, they HURT. One can’t just be relaxed, and one hand lightly maneuver this piece of crap. You’ll need two strong hands to hold it tight and move it how you like.
My rant is over. I needed to share the real deal about this so popular and not cheap at all toy.

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