What is Tantric Sex? 4 Reasons to Try Tantric Sex and Tips for

IIf you’re at all sexually adventurous (or even if you’re not), you’ve probably heard of Tantra or tantric sex. They’re often used interchangeably. You might think it’s deep, sensual, and something that takes more time than you probably have, right? But what is tantric sex, Really?

A bit of context

Tantric practice is an ancient Indian tradition of belief, meditation, and ritual that dates back to the 5th century, when you and I were just dreams within dreams within wet dreams at the bottom of a river somewhere.

The word itself means “woven together” in Sanskrit, and refers to the sacred union that can be experienced if one can control one’s urge to visit the Erotic City long enough to connect with the energetic honesty that runs through all of us, whether we are aware of it or not. When practiced with careful and sincere intention, the act is fertile ground for true fusion: the physical with the spiritual, and humanity with the great divine.

As is always the case in the West, we are generally less interested in the aspects of tantric practice that have to do with deepening our personal philosophies or making a profound change in our lifestyle. We are instead intrigued by the possibility of learning techniques that make sex last longer and feel better than ever before.

Even without following a lifelong education regimen with a tantric guru that involves never watching porn again and cutting out meat, Tantra can absolutely strengthen and intensify sexual, emotional, and spiritual connection with another person. It can even help you feel love (or real connection, whatever you want to call it), so be careful if one of your life plans is to resist that.

Leaving aside resistance to love, consider these 5 very good reasons to try tantric sex (hint: orgasms aren’t one of them!).

1. A slow build-up, in other words prolonged foreplay

For one thing, there’s a good chance it will last much longer. Unfortunately, when it comes to sex, we’re constantly exposed to forms of quickie hookups and “mindless” fucking; I personally believe there’s a time and place for all forms of consensual sexbut an imbalance occurs when the quick and dirty genre dominates everything else.

Think about the trajectory of a classic porn clip. There’s probably no foreplay (at least for her) and the focus is on male liberation.

If she cums, it’s just a bonus. Unfortunately, life imitates mainstream porn. But just like no one should live on fast food alone, having only fast sex is just a bad idea, especially for women. Who are we kidding?

2. Depth of speech, depth of touch

A tantric sexual practice allows you to go beyond the semi-embarrassed, pseudo-inhibited, and confusing communication that too often shapes our sex lives, and have a deeper discussion; think of it as learning a new language. Sexual communication is universal, but most people have forgotten how to practice it. No words are necessary. Instead, the practice is based on breath and contact.

It’s not easy to do the first time, but mastering this kind of depth can be very rewarding.

3. Intimacy, love and connection: opening up to them

Sex, as most of us know it, is all about giving and receiving satisfaction (which is great if you both get yours, and kind of crappy if you have a selfish or oblivious partner). But tantric sex is about moving beyond that focus on satisfaction, into a more intimate connection. If you’re open, you’ll learn to open up more. That doesn’t mean it has to be a loving, committed relationship. But you will learn to live in a sense of love, affection, and understanding for the person you’ve chosen to be with. And if you’re in a relationship, it can bring you closer together.

4. It’s not about cumming (but you’ll probably get more of it)

Sex is great when it’s satisfying. Ejaculation relieves stress and makes us happy. The problem is that too often we settle for a brief dose of that blissful feeling before we sink back into “normal.” Rather than focusing on the orgasm itself and ignoring the journey it took to get there, we turn away from the real connection and insane pleasure it can bring. For many, sex comes with the fear of not being sexy enough or not being good enough in bed. Or, they can’t seem to ask for what they want. Tantra can be your solid foundation: a place to open up safely.

Tantric Exercise for Beginners

There is no magic formula for having tantric sex, but most practitioners today talk about activating the chakras, using Kundalini energy, and worshiping the divine feminine. Chakras are essentially energy points where our life force (Prana) gathers in our non-physical body. Tantra is as deep and complex as you are, so studying it can take a lifetime, although it is well worth the effort. Here are some basic exercises for those just starting out:

1. Strike the “Yab-yum” pose

This is a Tibetan expression that means “father, mother” and essentially involves a prolonged embrace between you and your partner. With your clothes on (or not), sit on your partner’s lap, facing them, and wrap your legs around their waist. Look into each other’s eyes. This keeps both of you open and exposed.

2. Fix your eyes on each other

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that looking deeply into each other’s eyes can be indescribably intimate.

Make no mistake: this is a very serious topic, and it can seem absolutely horrifying (or downright hilarious) at first. But try to put distractions aside.

3. Take a deep breath

Focusing on breathing and connection creates a deep level of contact, which in turn can open your heart chakra, making you feel closer, more loving, and more forgiving toward the person you’re with. Next, synchronize your breathing: inhale and exhale together. Don’t rush. Slowly move to an exchange of breath: inhale as he exhales, then exhale as he inhales, as if you were breathing each other. Practice this for at least ten minutes. Controlling your breathing is at the heart of all yogic and meditative practices, and helps you cultivate more sexual energy.

4. Let it flow

Finally, move on to kissing and caressing. After a while, you can let this slowly turn into sex (or not), but keep the kissing and caressing, and keep looking into your lover’s otherworldly eyes. No irony. It’s all genuine. No, we’re not used to it. But there’s nothing like it.

If you are seriously considering continuing after you have had a taste of it, here are two helpful books that might take you further on this metaphysical path of pure pleasure. This one is a great introduction, and this one will teach you more deeply about the relationship between tantric practices and tantric sex as we know it.