What is Gray Romance? Learn a Different Kind of Love

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Everywhere we go, we are surrounded by the concepts of love and romance (and sex). Romance books and movies, Valentine’s Day, and endless ideas for “dream weddings.” Our society places a high value on finding a partner with whom to build a romantic relationship.

But what about those who don’t have that connection with people?

Well, thanks to a lot of helpful language brought in/exhibited by the LGBTQ+ community, we have a handy word for it. It’s called “grey romance.”

What exactly is gray romance?

Well, first, let’s define some other terms so that the definition makes more sense (especially if you are not familiar with these terms).

• No romance – Refers to people who have little or no romantic attraction to others. Or their romantic feelings/relationships do not feel in the way or level that society considers “normal”.
• Semi-Romantic – are another category of people who are aromantic. These people do not develop romantic feelings for others unless they have a deep emotional connection with them.

Gray Romantic In the range of no romantic inclinations, but feeling “There are parts of their experiences that cannot be fully described by the word ‘unromantic.'”

lgbtqia.wiki

They may also…

• Consider yourself to be neither purely aromantic nor semi-romantic
• There are only a few times in a lifetime when you experience society’s understanding of true love
• Feel it, but only in very special circumstances
• Romance is weak
• Unsure where the line is between romantic and non-romantic attraction

Gray Romantics and No Romantics feel alienated from mainstream experience. If you frequently watch shows and read books that value romantic exchanges and are written with the assumption that all people have the same expectations for love and romance, but you don’t actually feel the need to seek romance in your own life, then you may be confused.

There’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not hurt, but it’s frustrating to learn that something just doesn’t sit right with you and doesn’t make you feel good.

Sex therapist Claudia Johnson

Also, it’s important to remember that this does not include sexual attraction (which is a completely different category). Someone with a gray romantic may still feel strong sexual attraction to someone else. Also, this person may be of the opposite sex or the same sex. An example of a gray gay romance is this.

Back to the topic of love. This doesn’t mean that Gray Romantics can’t feel love. They are still able to love their family, friends, children, etc. They just may not feel that way toward their partner.

notes: It is also spelled/called greyaromantic, grayromantic or grayaromantic. Grey is derived from the word “grey area” and is widely used by the community to express flexibility or exploration.

Looking at the flag

I love the LGBTQ+ flag. Even though the design is simple (like most flags), a lot of thought goes into it. I love that they use tones that are not traditional flag colors. The Grey Romance flag is a great example. However, there are several versions out there – mostly because they are moving in a more comprehensive or simplified direction.

No one knows who designed the first logo. But we do know that it was based on the gray sex symbol (with green instead of purple).

The next one is by “Angel” on December 3, 2020. Different colors represent different levels of attractiveness, with white being in the middle, representing community.

Next up Apollo on November 21, 2020 Use similar colors to express similar ideas.

Finally, the latest submission is June 28, Nyoomster on the LGBTA+ wiki discord. The idea was to keep the obvious grey, but with dark green meant to be occasionally attractive and light green meant to be closer to the Aro spectrum or not romantic at all. Finally, white was kept in the design to encompass the community. The color palette was updated to create a more modern feel.

Gray Romance——Personal Summary

As I wrote this, I thought back to my past relationships—and how the burnout they brought on caused me so much stress and left me with a strong desire to walk away from love. For those of you who may be finding the same connection, it’s important to remember that…

Gray Romanticism is who you are, not who you are temporarily Going through it (like me).

Again, I think back on everyone I was attracted to in the past and it makes me wonder how many men were actually attracted to me romantically (as opposed to sexually or wanting to be together for security). Also, now that I am emotionally healthy and stable, the desire for romance is not as strong. The Grey Romantic or Arrow-type person does not need “that” kind of love to be happy. I find this makes more and more sense to me.

This got me thinking that even if you’re not on the autism spectrum, having non-romantic relationships (like friends and family) can be extremely satisfying. More importantly, learning to love yourself is essential to true happiness.

In a society obsessed with romance, Grey Romantics (or Romantics on the Aro spectrum) may be seen as oddballs. But in my opinion, they should be seen as excellent role models for the rest of us to learn from.