What does sobriety look like for a porn addict?

Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW, CSAT

Porn addicts in the early stages of recovery may have little idea what the term “sexual sobriety” means. Many people worry that sexual abstinence will mirror chemical abstinence, and the goal of chemical abstinence is permanent abstinence. In fact, porn addicts who are new to treatment often ask some form of the following question: “Will I have a healthy, regular sex life, or will I have to give up sex forever?” This question is usually followed by a statement like this : “If I have to give up sex permanently, then you can forget that I’m still in recovery.” Who could blame them for that?

Fortunately, unlike sobriety from alcohol and drug addiction, sexual sobriety is not defined by long periods of abstinence. Instead, porn addiction treatment addresses sobriety the same way it addresses eating disorders—another area where long-term abstinence is simply not feasible. Basically, instead of permanently abstaining from all sexual activity, recovering porn addicts learn to engage in sex in a non-compulsive, problem-free, life-affirming way.

That said, porn addicts who are new to treatment and recovery are often asked to take a break from all sexual activity (usually for 30, 60, or 90 days), including masturbation (even masturbation that doesn’t lead to orgasm). The process of recovery. Complete abstinence from sex during this brief period is recommended because most recovering porn addicts have become detached from reality when it comes to their sexual fantasy lives and behaviors, and therefore, they find it difficult to differentiate between healthy and problematic sexual behaviors. .

This temporary period of sexual abstinence provides an opportunity for recovering porn addicts to work with a therapist, 12-step sponsor, or other accountability partner to clarify which of their behaviors are part of the addiction and which are not . Porn addicts can also use this time frame to eliminate their denial, understand what their triggers are, and develop a support network and healthy coping skills they can turn to instead of using porn.

Again, complete abstinence is not a long-term intervention. In fact, the burden of recovery from porn addiction is not this period of self-denial but the slow (re)introduction of healthy sexuality and intimacy into the addict’s life. The real goal of porn addiction recovery is not celibacy; It is learning to meet your emotional and physical needs without engaging in problematic sexual activities.

In the next article on this site, I will discuss the creation of the Circle Program, which porn addicts use to define their problematic, cunning, and healthy behaviors. Having a clear circle plan is a must for any porn addict who wishes to quit porn and work toward healthy relationships and sexual behaviors.

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