What are 5 love languages ​​- How they help you

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Who doesn’t argue that the partner ultimately doesn’t understand “the words of affirmation” is crucial to your sense of trust in the relationship, or what you most appreciate is that when they empty the dishwasher for you? Even if you haven’t accepted the “What is your love language?” quiz At some point, many of the ideas surrounding love language have real-life applications that may be shown in your personal relationships – which means understanding what the five love languages ​​are, what they mean for your relationship, and of course (of course) love language is yours.

The idea of ​​love language has been everywhere since Dr. Gary Chapman released his best-selling relationship book Five Love Languages: The Secret of Continuous Lovein 2015. The first in the series now covers 11 books, and five love languages ​​provide people with a practical way to stay in touch and stay in love by respecting and fostering your partner (and friends’ and other loved ones” love language.

But what are the five “love languages”? Understanding how they help our relationships? Chapman told Sheknows that this is what it takes to understand a person feels loved and affirmed.

After consulting couples for years in a crisis, Chapman said: “For me, the person who makes a person feel loved is not always the same to their spouse or partner,” he explained. “I find that everyone understands and accepts love in a specific language, which is one of five languages. The other four are equally important and provide [other] A way to express love. ”

Dr. Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist, author Doctor Romance’s Guide to Finding ItodaY, also see the use of five love languages ​​to show the value of love. “Understanding how you express love and partner, and knowing how love is expressed differently or similarly, means you know when to love your partner the way you want, and when to love your partner the way he or she likes the most,” she told Sheknows. “You can better understand why there are things between you and others that don’t work. You can learn to identify when your partner sends your love, even if it’s not the way you’re used to.”

Chapman believes that taking the time to learn and truly understand your partner’s love language, which may be different from your own love language, can improve communication and strengthen your connection.

What are the 5 love languages?

So, what are the five different love languages? What do they look like in practice? This is what you need to know.

If so

Chapman said people who have this language of love need to hear their partner say “I love you.” Better: Including the reasons In the back Directly with sincere kindness and affirmation by leaving them a voice message or written notes or talking directly to them.

Other examples of Tessina include saying, “Thank you,” “That’s good for you,” or “I thank you for what you did.” Affirm your love and their efforts.

Quality time

Chapman says if quality time is your partner’s love language, it is the attention when you are with your partner and fully show up when you are with them. This means no TV, no trivia, no social media scrolling on your phone – just giving each other attention. Take time to do it every day.

“Spend time with your partner is about being together, focusing on each other, sharing meaningful things, and listening and communicating,” Tesina added. Other examples include cooking dinner together and chatting while preparing and eating, sharing future plans, making love or doing something creative together.

Received a gift

People who love this language are not necessarily materialistic (this is a false statement), but thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift.

“What works best is choosing the right gift, showing that you know your partner and your efforts to express love,” Chapman said. “Think about finding gifts that your partner has been asking for or enjoying receiving special ways; make it amazing.”

Tesina said the act of giving gifts tells your partner that you care enough to think about them in advance and do your best to make your partner smile.

Service behavior

The language includes anything you do to relieve the burden of liability, such as vacuuming the floor, shopping at the grocery store or sending thank you letters. What do you need for your partner? Chapman actually suggests ask Your partner provides ideas for what you want you to do, which will make their lives easier and create a schedule to get them done. Ask, a person can feel like an act of service because it conveys the intention.

Simple things like making breakfast in bed or walking dogs show that you care about your partner and life together, Tesina said. “It says you want to make your home and relationship more livable and want to reduce the burden on your partner,” she adds. By then, just observing what your partner actually does every day to make your life more comfortable is a great way to figure out what you can do for them without actually asking.

Body touch

People who speak this language love thrives on any type of physical touch and may struggle to spend a lot of time away from their partner or other loved ones. “Intentionally using body touch to find ways to express love: hug, caress their arms or hands during conversations; willing to rub their neck or back,” Chapman said.

According to Tessina, body touch is the most direct way to convey love. She explained: “As long as it is done in a loving atmosphere rather than oppressive atmosphere, the touch of the body can be the most effective language of love. It will calm, heal and reassure.”

So, what if we have different love languages?

If you and your partner have different love languages, this is totally OK – normal. Experts have told Sheknows before that it is just a matter of communication. “It’s normal to have different languages, but the key is to be clear to your partner about what you need, rather than assuming they know that they should’ve paid for it.” Explain what you need and have regular checks with your partner to make sure they get what they get,” explains Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical gender physician and psychotherapist. them Need to be satisfied with your relationship. And, when you see your partner expressing love in the way you desire, be sure to express recognition and gratitude to them.

Most importantly, we are all different and not everyone expresses their love in the same way. Awareness of different love languages, figuring out the love languages ​​of yourself and your loved ones, and communicating publicly about your needs can help you understand all Your relationships are better.

A version of this story was released in January 2019.

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