Weird Animal Penises Worth Reading About, Because Why Not?

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Here are 5 weird animal penises that will shrink your penis

Before you get out the tape measure to measure your own height, you might want to take a look at what’s in the animal kingdom. Warning, it can be pretty scary.

Barnacles

The trouble with these little guys is that once they’re past puberty, they’re permanently attached to one place until they die (or are scraped off by a sailor or conservationist). So, their limbs need to adapt. Not only can they grow much larger than their body length, but they can also change shape to better fit in choppy or calm waters.

Water Boatman

Yes, it’s small, but it’s mighty. And it’s loud!

This little guy doesn’t look like much, but when he gets animated, an area of ​​his abdomen starts to rub against the rod and creates a vibrating “song” – apparently it’s like standing next to a passing train (if you’re as small as he is).

Bean weevil

In this mating, the girls meet a bad — not to mention painful — end. The male, one of many females with a pointy penis, uses it to poke a hole in the girl, causing injury. The theory is that if the girl is injured, she can’t find another mate, and therefore must carry the male’s genetic material.

Echidna

I think these guys win the Membership Mambo. They’re the only animal with four cups/bulbs/heads/whatever on the end of the shaft. It’s either something out of a horror or sci-fi movie – or both.

Sea turtles

When erect, a male’s penis can grow by nearly 50 percent in length, 75 percent in width, and 10 percent in depth. Given that some species start out with penises that are nearly half the size of their bodies, it’s no surprise that one writer called them “extraordinarily gifted.”

Are there any other scary animal penises we missed? Share them in the comments!