Understanding Covert Incest – Sex and Relationship Therapy

The line between caring and incestuous love is crossed when the relationship with the child is geared toward meeting the needs of the parent rather than the needs of the child.

Covert incest (also called emotional incest) often occurs when parents are physically and emotionally distant from each other, or when one (or both) parents are addicted to a substance or behavior. When dysfunctional parents become distant from each other (for whatever reason), one parent may become focused on the child, seeking adult emotional fulfillment by using the child as a surrogate partner. Or parents may tie their own self-esteem to their child’s success. Either way, a child’s developmental needs are often ignored, and emotional growth (especially in the areas of healthy sexual and romantic attachment) can be severely stunted. Surprisingly, an adult is often completely unaware of the emotional damage he or she is causing.

today’s task
Think about the possibility of covert incest in your life. If you feel it was or is present, talk about it with your therapist or a supportive friend in recovery.