Understanding and meeting each other’s marriage needs

On Monday, I had a discussion with a woman on XY Code about needs. I quoted the definition of needs from Wikipedia and modified it a bit to fit marriage:

Needs are what are necessary for a safe, stable, and healthy marriage.

What does a healthy marriage need? Most men put sex first. That makes sense, but what else do you need? You need to feel respected. You need non-sexual intimacy, both physical and emotional. You need to do the things you enjoy as a couple. If you have all the sex you can handle and you’re missing some of those other things, you’re not going to have a happy, healthy marriage. As great and important as sex is, it can never replace all the other things you need.

Your wife’s needs for a stable, healthy marriage are actually very similar to your needs. The difference is what’s at the top of her list. When sex is lacking, the things lower on your list don’t seem to matter, and when the things at the top of your list are lacking or nonexistent, the things lower on her list won’t do much for her. For many women, sex is just that. Without good communication and feeling loved, she won’t be interested in having sex with you.

If you want a successful marriage, you have to figure out what your wife needs and then provide those things for her. When you start giving her the top things on her list, the other needs will start to emerge. And yes, that may include sex.

Image credit: © Paul H Byerly Created using stockdreams.ai
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