Times are changing, but etiquette rules still apply

In 1922, Emily Post published the Bible of “American Rite”, “Etiquette”, which was specially designed for weddings for 33 pages. It is full of familiar, practical and shocking civilizations that have been cited by generations of brides since.

“First, before deciding the date of the wedding, the bride’s mother must determine the clergy on which day to perform the ceremony and make sure that the church has no other services,” she wrote.

She continued to suggest other outdated programs: visiting stationery invitations, when “her mother consulted his mother” and what “the most luxurious Trousseau” should constitute.

Still, many traditions and expectations of this little time are alive: flower girls and rings, vows, kisses, “I Will”, cake cutting, first dances and other reception celebrations.

But maybe not for long, says New York wedding planner Alyssa Alinato.

“The tradition of definitely going out the window is smashing the cake into someone’s face and garters,” she said. “I don’t know what that is. The bouquet tossing out has come out, too.”

Alinato added that the final chants must be spelled, which is in the slow death of the stationery man in the post, and the “save date” is mostly a thing of the past, too.

“It’s stupid,” she said. “Only 30% of customers can do this, and only to their older relatives.”

After the ceremony, other once familiar marriage scenes are in danger of Dodo Katsuya: children, cakes and receiving lines.

“I would say 90% of my wedding was zero for children. The cake was hit or missed,” she said. “They will make donuts or fries. The receiving line outside the church takes an hour and we’ve canceled that.”

The new modern wedding ceremony focuses on the lovebird itself. “With wedding ceremony, I think everyone finally realized it was about the couple,” Alinato said.

In November, New Yorkers Ben and Rachel Martin, 29, celebrated their personality, their interests and activities and married them to them in a duet and a pleasant ridicule ceremony was held.

“When I started planning my wedding, I wanted it to feel like we were,” Mrs. Martin said. “I don’t want it to feel super traditional.”

Nevertheless, they chose a seemingly traditional venue, Chelsea Square, a historic part of Manhattan’s General Seminary, though perhaps for traditional reasons.

“The venue gave us the atmosphere of Harry Potter,” said Mrs. Martin. The couple held a reception dinner in the hall, and guests sat at a long table.

“We like fantasy, we play dungeons and dragons, so we make characters and draw ourselves.” These characters, half beasts, half man and fairies, became cake top hats.

“Cutting a cake with a sword was Rachel’s idea,” Martin added. “In the office, we had one of the swords. We thought, why not?”

Other fantasy twists on traditional elements include playing music from “Lord of the Rings”, reel menus, lemon wine is fully displayed in potion bottles and the bride’s tattoo. Despite this, the postal people were unhappy.

“When I told Mom we were going to have a long table, she flipped a little bit.” “She was like, ‘I’ve never heard of it. I don’t understand.’ I think that happened a lot . The mindset of this generation of parents and people older than us is that you should do something at the wedding. I was surprised. Like, they are tables, who cares?”

They say that despite the conflict, it blends together, but maybe just because they are responsible for their own financial situation. Mrs. Martin said: “Ben and I have to be like, ‘That’s what we are doing.”

Still, they combine some absolute moments: a fixed ceremony, oath, first dance and breaking the glass.

Although personality now rules important days, there are strict codes of etiquette that guests should be expected to follow. Alinato summed up this briefly: “It’s not your day, so sit down and shut up.”

“You won’t believe in the number of people who speak during toasts,” she said, noting that she recommends toasts, vows and dances to all clients. “People have side conversations or get drunk in the bar. It’s not the moment.”

In other words, there is a little etiquette even in the most avant-garde ritual.

Play according to the new rules

Do

RSVP is on time. “So many people don’t respect that date,” said Alyssa Alinato.

Get dressed. “I swear to God that I once saw a man wearing a truck driver’s hat to a formal wedding.”

Respect the couple. “A lot of people are themselves. I have family situations. They ask me to ask my mom to be deleted.”

Make memories. “Parents dance is my favorite wedding part. I hope they will never go away. They literally brought tears to my tears.”

Celebrate carefully. “I must have some people taking some powder condition to the bathroom, it’s too noisy. Suddenly, everyone was satisfied.”

Bring a gift. “du.”

No

Take your children. “When they say ‘no children’, the ones that take your children no longer fly.”

Talk at special moments. “I don’t care if this is 35 minutes, boring toast, you should respect the person who has the microphone.”

Let your teenager hold on. “This 15-year-old stole a bottle of vodka, drank the whole thing, and almost died in the middle of the wedding. We had to get an ambulance and try to do it with caution.”

Rely on Google. “Everyone is on Google and they think, ‘Oh, that’s what I should do.’ It has ridiculous advice. Get the planner.”