This Valentine’s Day, A Zoo in Chicago Is Giving You the

This Valentine’s Day, give the gift of hate. A Chicago zoo recently put out an enticing offer for the heartbroken — a perfect opportunity to get back at their exes by identifying them with what they really are: a cockroach.

According to a post on the Brookfield Zoo’s website, the zoo is offering “the chance to name a cockroach in honor of that un-special (or special) someone in your life.”

Those who make a $15 donation to the zoo will “receive a Certificate of Naming in your donation receipt that you can fill out and share or hang on your wall as a reminder that a cockroach now bears that name.” The first name you share will also be publicly displayed at the zoo, where you are free to take a picture and send it to the person in question (presumably with a middle finger and a poop emoji for good measure).

Strangely enough, the Brookfield Zoo isn’t the only zoo offering such a deal. The San Antonio Zoo also announced that it would be doing the same thing, only their offerings are a bit broader.

Hey @theestallion,
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Let us know if you want to name a roach, rat or lettuce after someone you’re beefing with and have it eaten by an animal at the zoo on Valentine’s Day!
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This Cry Me A Cockroach is on us! https://t.co/aOXoCxTUVC
⁰#DontMessWithTexas #PuroSanAntonio… pic.twitter.com/tnrBDiub1L

— San Antonio Zoological Society (@SanAntonioZoo) January 31, 2024

If you both hate your ex and have insatiable bloodlust, you can name a roach, rat or piece of lettuce after them and have it be fed to an animal at the zoo. The website lists prices ranging from $5 for the lettuce to $25 for a frozen rat.

The site also accepts donations from all over the world and promises global press attention, so if you’ve been ghosted by some Russian girl you met online, you can feed a rat version of Svetlana to a hungry beast.

Both of these zoos are only accepting donations for a short time, so if this sounds like the perfect revenge, you’ve got to move fast. It may be a bit mean, but hey, it’s cheaper than therapy!