These 5 Subtle Behaviors Are Ruining Your Relationship

When things get difficult in a relationship, it’s perfectly normal, natural, and easy to focus on your partner’s behavior and the problems they’re causing in the relationship.

It’s much harder to see your own contributions, reactions, and role in relationship problems.

However, if you only focus on your partner’s problems, you will continue to feel confused and frustrated in your life.

Through self-focus, reflection, and behavioral changes, it is possible to bring about positive changes in your relationship.

But first, you have to recognize your unhelpful behaviors—what I call “relationship-disrupting behaviors.”

By doing this, you will increase your insight and find ways to strengthen your relationship rather than weaken it.

Some behaviors that interfere with relationships are more obvious but still difficult to admit—for example, any anger, from frustration to anger, being critical and mean to your partner, or being passive-aggressive.

However, sometimes the behavior is less obvious and more difficult to identify. Here are five subtle behaviors that are hard to detect but have the potential to damage your relationship:

1. Submit or comply with

If you find yourself giving up on your own needs and always submitting to your partner’s demands, you are in a submissive and submissive dynamic.

You may feel that you are making the relationship smoother because you are avoiding feelings of guilt or potential conflict.

However, this behavior is causing a negative relationship cycle. Relying on obedience and submission to resolve conflict or avoid guilt means you are being insincere.

Your real needs, desires, and interests are not shared and not prioritized. This can lead to resentment within you and imbalance in the relationship.

It may even lead to your partner having less respect for you and your value in the relationship being reduced.

2. Rights

It’s not just people with narcissistic personality disorder who qualify. Everyone is the center of the universe and therefore capable of enjoying rights.

People often turn a blind eye to this. Entitlement can be as simple as feeling like you deserve something, but becoming angry when you don’t get it.

When present, this relationship-interfering behavior means you are unwilling to put yourself in an empathic position to understand your partner’s needs.

Instead, you pursue your own needs without compassion for theirs. Reflecting and defining rights requires a strong commitment.

If you don’t realize you’re qualified, you may stubbornly pursue your goals with little awareness of the impact you have on others and your own reputation.

3. Overworking

Many partners feel like parents in their relationships, dealing with low-functioning partners who constantly let them down.

It seems unfair to view their over functioning as a problem because they are picking up all the slack and doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship.

However, let’s say you are meeting 75% of all relationship needs. This leaves only 25% room for your partner to function. They have no room for improvement.

Continuing to over-function will cause them to become under-functional and cause you a lot of pain and stress because the motivation has not changed.

If you don’t learn to step back, lower your standards, and set healthy boundaries, you’ll always feel like the parent in the relationship, and that’s not fair to you.

4.Pursue

Pursuit behavior refers to behavior that is intense, persistent, and long-lasting.

This might be repeatedly raising issues in the relationship that need to be addressed, insisting that your partner change their behavior immediately, or passionately expressing opinions or desires.

Pursuing behavior is often driven by anxiety, overwhelm, and insecurity, leaving people feeling the need to solve problems in the relationship.

However, this behavior may come across as controlling and domineering. Not surprisingly, these pursuit behaviors can make partners feel controlled and distressed, leading to avoidance and alienation.

5. avoidance

If you avoid difficult conversations and questions, you are engaging in avoidance behavior.

Avoidance leads to communication delays and white lies. Internally, this behavior is driven by the desire to avoid conflict or friction and therefore feels rational or justified.

However, when you avoid a problem in a relationship, it inevitably surfaces and you eventually face the problem at hand and the consequences of avoidance.

That means double the problems and double the stress.

We are not initially aware of these subtle relationship-disrupting behaviors. But through reflection, you can learn and grow from it.

Blind spots are normal and allow you to assume a position that makes you feel more comfortable. This is a very human reaction.

However, identifying relationship-interfering behaviors will change your life because they provide you with multiple points of change that can make your relationship better.