The Ultimate Story of a Born-Again Virgin

My solo journey

I am 9 weeks into my journey of celibacy and I feel it is time to share my journey. I have experienced so many emotions and so many things have happened during this journey that it is often difficult to put into words. It has been a roller coaster of emotions so far and I anticipate that it will continue to be a turbulent journey when it is over and I begin to integrate the lessons learned.

Continued from the previous article: 3 incredible people who overcame sexual difficulties

A quick recap of my journey to celibacy

If you haven’t read my previous posts, here’s a recap of my journey, I’ve gone 9 weeks without penetrative sex, 7 weeks without oral sex, masturbation/mutual masturbation, or any kind of genital contact. All of this while in a loving and passionate relationship. Before this, I can’t remember a time when I I discovered my sexuality I haven’t masturbated or had sex in over a week. In three more weeks I’ll be done!

One of the biggest lessons I learned from this experience is that sex and sexual energy are not something to be taken for granted. When we are showing an unhealthy attachment to sex, we often lose sight of Sex is sacred.

We often overlook the specialness of sex.

Every sensation, every wave of pleasure in the body, every touch and every thrust is a gift from the heavens. In typical sex, we rush to get to the point and miss all the little parts that make up the whole experience. We don’t fully engage with the whole experience, so we can’t fully accept and feel it. I have a really strong desire to be more respectful, more present, and more honoring of my sexuality in my experiences with myself and others.

This experience taught me a great lesson and helped me regain my virginity

Sounds a bit weird right? Let me explain… I went through a really weird moment last week where I couldn’t remember what it felt like to orgasm or have intercourse. It was almost a magical feeling. I told my partner that I felt like a virgin again and as I unraveled the mystery I discovered there was a lot going on.

We have come to understand a virgin as a woman or man who has not had penetrative sexual intercourse, but the word once had a different meaning. The word virgin was once used to describe a woman who was free, unfettered, and independent—a woman whose sexuality was her own. Over time, we have come to associate virginity with purity and the absence of penetrative sexual intercourse. Once we have sex, we often lose the connection to virginity, but I think this archetypal energy can be accessed regardless of whether the hymen is present or not.

Do you remember your first time?

Do you remember your first orgasm? That overwhelming feeling of bliss that was unmatched? How can we get back to that first time we experienced sensuality and sex? How can we claim ourselves as separate and complete people, sexually belonging to no one but ourselves? For me, this is what regaining my virginity is all about.

Another important lesson I’ve learned on this journey is the importance of connecting on different levels with my intimate partner. Since sex has become impossible for my partner and I, it’s made me think about all the other ways we can feel close and connected to each other. This means making time for massage and sensual touch, whether or not sex is involved, which is so important.

Intimacy is about more than sex

This also means a lot of platonic playfulness and fun, a lot of deep intellectual conversations, and a lot of time on our own to process the emotions and feelings that this journey brings us. Sex is very important to us, but it is not the only thing necessary in an intimate relationship.

Sex is great but it shouldn’t define you

Finally, and most importantly, I experienced self-awareness, even though I am not an extroverted sexual person. Inevitably, I like sex and enjoy the sexual pleasure in my life, but I know that this is not all there is to me.

As a sexologist (and anyone working in the sex industry for that matter), I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get all the “sex” things right. I feel the constant expectation that I have great sex and that if I don’t I feel like a bit of a fraud. This experience really highlighted the fact that our sexuality is constantly evolving and naturally fluctuating.

It’s completely normal to have highs and lows in your sex life

Orgasms can peak, but desire and satisfaction can decrease. Sometimes we may be asked to abstain from sex, and other times, sex with multiple people may be in our best interest. These fluctuations are completely normal and need to be supported!!

This journey has been incredible in so many ways and I’m excited to see what’s next. Stay tuned…

10 Common Questions About Celibacy

• What are some common challenges people face while single?
  Loneliness, temptation, and social pressures can be challenging, but they often lead to personal growth and self-discovery.
• How can I stay consistent on my journey to celibacy?
  Set clear intentions, focus on your why, and seek support from like-minded individuals or communities.
• Is it normal to feel depressed or anxious during singlehood?
  Yes, this is common. Learning to channel your sexual energy into personal development can help control these feelings.
• Does celibacy affect mental health?
  This can be positive or negative. Some people will feel empowered and focused, while others may feel lonely or self-doubting.
• How do I deal with social pressure to be celibate?
  Be confident in your choices and remember that this is a personal journey. Surround yourself with supportive people who will respect your decisions.
• Can celibacy promote personal growth?
  Yes, many people experience increased self-awareness, emotional clarity, and a stronger sense of purpose during their time of celibacy.
• How does celibacy affect romantic relationships?
  It can strengthen emotional bonds because partners focus on communication and emotional intimacy rather than physical connection.
• Are celibacy and abstinence the same thing?
  No, celibacy is usually a long-term choice or spiritual practice, while abstinence is usually temporary or situational.
• What are the benefits of celibacy?
  Improved concentration, emotional clarity, personal growth, and stronger non-sexual relationships are common benefits.
• How should I deal with my sexual desires while single?
  Practice mindfulness, engage in creative outlets, and focus on activities that bring fulfillment outside of physical intimacy.

By: Sexologist Stephanie Curtis

Explore the insights of Stephanie Curtis! A caring sexologist, she delves into spirituality and tantra, and writes professionally, clearly, and entertainingly.