The difference in sexual desire does not mean the end

5 minutes to read

Many of us believe that the desire spell of mismatch in love relationships doom.

If you and your partner have sex at different times, different ways or at different frequencies, it means you are fundamentally incompatible.

While of course it is difficult to manage and can end relationships, it is not automatic. Actually, as a sex therapist and coach – I have witnessed this relative firsthand as I help clients overcome sexual difficulties every day.

Often, differences in sexual desire always mean that the ending may be more destructive than the mismatch itself – because once you start believing that you are doomed to fail, you no longer look for directions to move forward.

You stop talking about it, stop trying, and retreat into silence and avoidance. When this happens, the problem is not only sitting there—it creates a gap between you and your partner. One that grows over time.

Why is the sexual desire that is not matched so heavy

You both end up being hurt when one of you wants to have sex more often than the other.

Say no, you will feel introverted and frustrated – even when you absolutely don’t want sex, that’s the right thing to do. Being turned will feel frustrated and lonely – over time, repeated rejection will erode any hope.

Eventually, you both start to come to the same conclusion: maybe there is something here. perhaps yes Broken, it needs to end things.

But this is a matter; you may not, and neither will your relationship.

Belief is more important than numbers

Research shows that our beliefs around sex can have a big impact on our sexual life.

The two couples may face exactly the same sexuality difference, but end up in very different places.

For some, the gap is so frustrating that it seems easier to give up and stop trying, thinking it will never change. And this reaction makes perfect sense – protecting yourself by retreating backwards is a natural reaction when something feels long enough.

We all finished at some point.

For others, the same situation triggers a different choice: take a small step forward even if it feels awkward or uncertain.

Often, that couple ends up feeling closer, more connected, and ends up doing better. Not because they want more, or because they are “better” in a relationship in some way, but because the possibility of sexual mismatch that they allow for mismatch in relationships does not necessarily mean the ending.

Action nourishes hope

Hopefully not only lands on your legs one morning (although that would be cute, right?) – it is created. One of the ways it is created is through action – how small.

It looks like an honest conversation with your partner about your differences. Book a meeting with a sex therapist or sex coach, or try your reading exercises. The key is that these steps are important because we are sending signals to ourselves and our partners, and we are still in it.

Sexual difficulties are like any other difficulties or long-term relationships in marriage. They can pass. And, if you’ve been together for a while, you’ve probably been through a lot of bumps. This difference in sexual desire does not necessarily mean it is different.

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Myth of “Marriage Kills Sex”

Another belief that exhausts hope is the idea that long-term relationships kill desires.

Once you get married, have sex. Once you have a child, you can kiss and say goodbye intimately. By the time you’ve been together for decades, you’re just a roommate.

This is a common cultural story that people think of as fate. But this is not true.

I worked with a couple who have been with 5, 15 years old, or even 25 years – and ultimately, they deeply enriched their sex. Because even if long-term intimacy is not a desire of its own – believing that it kills its belief, that is what makes you stop doing all your desires to show.

Then what can you do?

If a mismatch desire doesn’t have to mean the ending, what can actually change things? Actually? a lot of. But here are a few things to start:

• Don’t tell yourself that you’re broken. Different levels of sexual desire are normal if you have been together for a longer period of time. When we know this, it helps us see the situation differently and therefore differently.
• Be curious about what gender means to everyone. For one of you, it may be equally connected and intimate. For another person, it may be stressed or stressed now. Before you talk about this and address how and why sex is different from both of you, it will be hard to remedy.
• Take small steps instead of big leap. It’s easy to feel like you don’t know where to start (because it’s very likely, like most things in relationships). Instead of looking at the entire roadmap, choose something and start from there.

  It could be an opening conversation about how difficult you have recently discovered sex, or try to do free practice to figure out what might happen under the surface.

• Expand your definition of intimacy. When we don’t have sex, it usually becomes the focus. Sometimes we are no longer intimate in other ways because we are afraid that our partner “gets the wrong idea.” But universal physical affection may be as important as sex, especially if we don’t have sex.

  Hold your hand and open something on the sofa. Even just kissing without expecting it anywhere. These are when rebuilding security and helping when you want to know how to deal with mismatched sexual mismatch.

• Ask yourself, if you really believe that your differences do not mean the ending, what will you change. Will you mention the subject instead of avoiding it? Would you reach for your partner instead of supporting yourself? Will you make yourself feel a little hope?

  Because once you want it, even at the smallest dose, everything starts to look different.

You can decide

Ultimately, mismatched sexual desire does not necessarily mean bad luck, even if you feel that way now. Actually, this is your human being, and the same is what needs are in the other aspects of the relationship – the sexual realm is different.

This doesn’t mean you are fundamentally incompatible. This just means something that may need to be changed.

You can choose the development of the story.

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