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Step 9: Do more than just say “I’m sorry”

Becoming Vulnerable - Sex and Relationship Healing



All daily inspiration can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Treatment and Recovery. This article is used with permission from the author.

Making a mistake is an error of judgment. Persisting after making a mistake is a character flaw.

Step 9 says that as part of recovery, we should make amends directly to those we’ve hurt whenever possible, unless doing so would harm them or others. But what exactly is restitution? Sometimes recovering addicts think that simply saying, “I’m sorry,” is enough. It’s not. That’s an apology, not restitution. At the very least, we need to say, “I’m sorry, and I’m working on not doing that again.” Other times, in addition to apologizing and stating that we are changing our behavior, we may need to pay back or promise to pay back money owed. In all cases, restitution is more than just an apology. The most important part of any restitution is the follow-up, not making the same mistake again.

Today’s Task
Consider long-term behavioral changes as part of appropriate corrections in step 9.



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