Silly Halloween Costumes – Sex and the Body Edition

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Halloween is great because it’s the only time of year that we adults can dress up (at least in public) without getting looked at weirdly. There’s a wide range of costumes, from clever homemade ones to the cheap, all-inclusive bagged ones you see in every store. Each costume has its own pros and cons, though. The following garments (in my opinion) need to be abolished immediately.

I’ll also add this disclaimer: even though I’m a blogger who supports body and sex-positive self-expression, I will roll my eyes at certain products.

Anything with a penis

Unless it’s a purely penis-themed party, like a bachelorette party, penis costumes are just… too much. They might have been shocking or funny once, but now there’s a whole line of penis-themed products (from candy to straws). It feels so unimaginative.

I would also include things like “firemen bringing out hoses”, “snake charmers bringing out snakes”, “plugs and sockets” etc – yes they were more creative but I think the hype has worn off and now it just doesn’t feel right.

breast

Breasts are like penis clothing – they are made that way. Maybe for a breast awareness campaign, I guess it makes sense. But you can’t walk five feet without tripping over some cleavage-revealing ad.

Insert body part here

I laughed when I first saw a mammogram, but if you Google it, oh my goodness, it seems like there’s at least one guy at every party who thinks it’s cool. I mean do people really get any action from these pictures?

Mostly Nude

I saw one exposed doll, but it was a rubber chicken – I’ll give that guy points. As for the sex doll…it was just plain horrible – and not a fun Halloween kind of doll.

Personal Products

I guess another reason I hate these costumes is that they’re easier and cheaper to make yourself – but the costumes on the mat (especially the bloody ones) are just gross.

Yes, I am a woman and I don’t think periods are inherently dirty. But ask any woman and they will tell you that periods are not the fun part of life. They’re painful, swollen, and emotionally draining – we don’t want to celebrate them or see men laugh about them.

vaginal

We have penis costumes, and I would add vagina costumes. The Try Guys redeemed themselves with their “weird costumes” episode, and the resulting memes are adorable.

However, after reading about a Japanese woman being taken to court for making a model of her own vagina and turning it into a kyack (albeit with real penis knots), I would rather see human genitalia as art than clothing. As for boys, I agree – see it as art.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I think in the final analysis, they unacceptableInherently lacking imagination. It’s the one night of the year you get to go wild – why waste it on a piece of overpriced nylon that looks better in the packaging pictures than it does on anyone?

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What other Halloween treats are you tired of? Share them in the comments!