Sex with a new partner after a long-term relationship |

Although any breakup can shake you to your core, the breakup of a long term relationship Or a marriage must be one of the most destabilizing events in life.

But once the smoke clears, sooner or later you might find yourself courting someone new. You might even find yourself ready to have sex again, hallelujah.

But while having sex with a new partner can be exhilarating, it can also be stressful, if not downright scary after being with someone else for so long.

Maybe you’re just out of a toxic relationship that lasted a year, a few months into a five-year relationship with the love of your life, or a few years into a twenty-year marriage that couldn’t survive the weight of routine. Maybe you’re also a parent. Maybe you’re just looking for sex, or maybe you’re ready for a whole new emotional investment. Maybe it’s been ten years since you’ve had sex, or maybe you just had sex last week. Whatever the specifics, moving on means navigating entirely new territory.

Are you ready?

Besides the fact that WHO ended your last relationship, and Why it’s over, healing is a step that cannot be ignored.

If your desires are strictly physical, moving on may seem like a no-brainer. But before you dive headfirst into a casual sexual relationship, do yourself a favor and make sure it’s really what you want. Developing deeper feelings for your lover after you’ve both made it clear that your relationship is casual, or before you’ve had a chance to heal properly, can be a recipe for further devastation. Depending on the details of your last relationship, you may not be emotionally ready to have sex with someone new, much less pursue something more serious and intimate.

Taking time to be single for a while can help you grow and evolve, which will ultimately lead to stronger future relationships (and better sex!). Of course, there are no rules about how long to wait, just You can figure out what’s best for you. If that means throwing off the shackles of a loveless marriage and logging onto Tinder before the ink is dry, good for you.

When Your Relationship Was Toxic or Traumatic

From emotional/physical/sexual violence to gas lighting, love bombingdebilitating codependencyto a range of others unhealthy behaviorsrelationship toxicity Trauma can take many forms. Just because your relationship has ended doesn’t mean the damage it caused has ended. After a toxic relationship, it’s common to feel demoralized, inadequate, and even afraid of future relationships. It may be necessary to work on building platonic and romantic relationships before re-entering the world of sex and romance so that you have a strong support system in place if things go wrong.

When it comes to sex specifically, trauma tends to manifest in two main ways: sexual avoidance and sexual fixation or dependencyThere’s no right or wrong here: they’re two different ways of coping and dealing with the situation. It may take time to rebuild a positive relationship with sex, which isn’t easy. That might involve talking to friends, a sex therapist, finding balance through meditation, or letting off steam in a boxing class. Whatever it takes, because you’re worth it.

How to Feel Comfortable With a New Sexual Partner

Regardless of your previous relationship and sex life, after years of being with the same person, they are familiar. But, as disorienting as it may seem, there are ways to make sex with a new person more comfortable.

Do not rush. Beware of rebounds. If you are mature and ready, do it. Youbut know that you don’t need a partner to prove your worth. When you’re in the thick of things with a new partner, things can move quickly, but if you’re ever in doubt, slow down. Taking your time may seem like too much if you’re used to being with someone who knows you inside out, but it’s not. Kiss, foreplay And sexual exploration are all necessary to build quality new relationships. Just because you’re only looking for sex doesn’t mean you have to do more than kiss when you first meet someone. Be kind and patient with yourself.

Cultivate self-confidence through self-care. If you’re nervous, that’s 100% normal and human. But feeling good about yourself makes you love better. And sexin’, consider boosting your self-confidence by showing yourself some affection. This can include buy new lingerie (or whatever else makes you feel sexy), grooming and cleaning yourself in whatever way you’re most comfortable with (just because your ex preferred you to be completely shaved doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it), scheduled solo time, scheduled friend time, daily exercise, and a healthy diet—to name a few. A healthy body, a healthy mind, a healthy heart.

Get in touch with your desire. Discovering how to be comfortable in a new sexual or romantic relationship can be very rewarding. There may be things that you need feeling safe/happy/excited: see if you can name these yourself. Especially if you haven’t had the kind of relationship where your desires were honored, it’s important to get in touch with what makes your engine tick. Tantric masturbation-Or regular masturbation—can help you remember what feels good. It can also help you increase your libido If your breakup left your libido in tatters.

Remember, communication is key. Fact: A healthy relationship is built on healthy communication. Let your new partner know what you want. While you’re probably used to being with someone who already knows what buttons to push, strong communication is essential for new sexual and intimate experiences. So don’t be afraid to let your partner know what you like and what you don’t. Beyond the bedroom, whether you’re looking for a committed monogamous relationship, a casual, non-exclusive fling, or anything in between, it’s okay. The important thing is to be clear with yourself and your partner so you can avoid future heartbreak.

Bottom line: Moving from a long-term relationship or marriage to a new life can be incredibly delicious if you’re ready for it—the beginning of a new and exciting era. The relationship and/or sex life of your erotic dreams may be within reach. It may feel strange or awkward at first, but with patience, communication, and a little humor, a new sexual relationship can thrive. And so can you. <3