Sex Positivity: What It Means and How to Practice It | Sex

You’ve heard the term “sex-positive,” but do you know what it is? In fact means?

While it does involve having a positive attitude toward sex, the term is sometimes loaded with misconceptions. Being sex-positive has nothing to do with the type of sex you have, or how often you have it.

Sex positivity simply means maintaining a healthy attitude toward consensual expressions of sexuality for yourself and others, with an emphasis on accepting sexual diversity. Sex-positive people also promote sex education and safe sex. While sex positivity can be particularly radical in destigmatizing female sexuality, people of all genders can (and should!) be sex-positive.

Here are some of the key elements of a positive sex mindset:

Educate yourself and educate others

Making sex more enjoyable for you and your partner starts with understanding your body and theirs. That means learning both the basics of human sexuality and your partner’s specific physical and emotional needs. Whether you’re doing research, asking questions, or doing hands-on exploration with others or on your own, learning about sex not only makes you more confident about your body and your desires, it also prepares you to share that knowledge with others.

Taking ownership of your desires (or lack thereof)

One of the biggest misconceptions about sex positivity is that it means you want to have sex all the time, with anyone. Being sex positive isn’t about the amount or frequency of sex you have, but rather your attitude toward sex. Sex positivity recognizes that having sex is healthy, but so is not having sex. You can be sex positive and asexual, autosexual (only having sex with yourself), sexually active with partners, and everything in between.

Being sex positive isn’t about the quantity or frequency of your sex, but rather your attitude toward sex.

Not everyone is sexual or considers sex to be an essential part of their life. Part of being sex-positive is acknowledging that sometimes people don’t want to have sex, either in the moment or at all. On the other hand, wanting and having lots of sex is just as healthy and valid. And while sex-positive means having the freedom to talk about sex without shame, not everyone is comfortable talking about it or hearing about it. Keep in mind that being open or private about sex isn’t a reflection of your attitude, but rather something to consider based on your comfort level in your company.

No judgement

A key part of sex positivity is respecting other people’s sexual choices. As long as people are having safe, consensual sex, no one can judge the type or frequency of it. This includes rejecting slut-shaming and respecting sex workers.

Accepting each other’s sexual desires and behaviors means both refusing to stigmatize people who prefer “conventional” sex and not stigmatizing people who prefer “conventional” sex. Sex-positive partners respect each other’s sexual preferences while respecting their own boundaries.

Respect for consent

Consent is absolutely necessary to engage in any sexual activity and can be withdrawn at any time. Sex positivity recognizes that consent is explicit, ongoing, and mutual. Sex-positive people actively ask their partners to set boundaries. It can be hard not to give meaning to a no, but sometimes no just means no. If someone doesn’t want something in that moment, respecting their choice without making them feel bad is essential to creating a sex-positive space.

Practice safe sex

Taking control of your sexuality involves making sure that you and your partners protect your sexual health. Safe sex includes discussing IST status and get tested, use condoms or other barrier methods, and use birth control methods where applicable. Safer sex may also consider emotional and psychological safety, such as supporting a partner with sexual dysfunction or a history of sexual trauma.

Recognizing that intimacy is complex

Everyone has a different perception of sex: some people attach a lot of emotion to physical intimacy and others don’t.

While there is a stereotype that any type of sex outside of a monogamous partnership is not serious or emotionally intimate, that is not always the case. Sex can be emotionally, psychologically, and physically intense, even sometimes when you don’t want it to be. Safe, consensual sex requires open communication, which involves vulnerability and trust. Sex-positive people know that sex is complicated and don’t have assumptions or expectations about their partner’s feelings.