Sex experts reveal what everyone gets wrong about sex

We’ve got foreplay all wrong – and the key to happiness is to rename it ‘before play’ and broaden our definition of sex, says a professional sex expert.

Sarah Riccio, 34, a sex-positive activist and professional sex toy tester, believes we’re still getting some of the wrong ideas when it comes to thinking like this about sex.

Sarah, from New York, said: “Most people still think sex is just penis-in-vagina intercourse, but the truth is that’s just one specific example of sex – there are so many different types of sex.”

One of the most common misconceptions, she says, is the concept of foreplay.

“Most adults don’t actually know what foreplay is,” she says.

“People think it’s just mouths and hands before ‘real’ sex, but that’s actually ‘hardcore play’.

“Real foreplay includes all the non-physical actions that occur before physical contact to arouse sexual desire – they should call it ‘foreplay’.”

Sarah believes that if an activity can lead to orgasm, it should not be considered just “foreplay.”

“If it leads to orgasm, then it’s not foreplay, it’s hardcore play.

“Foreplay shouldn’t be seen as an add-on to sex play, but rather an essential part of play that sets the stage for a satisfying experience,” she says.

Sarah believes this misconception often leads to people, especially women, finding themselves not fully in the mood when intercourse begins.

“Their vaginas don’t naturally lubricate, or penetration is painful because their sexual desire isn’t properly aroused.”

Sarah started out as a bed tester after seeing an ad on Craigslist in 2018, but later transitioned into sex toy testing.

“Thankfully, it was legal, and that’s where I developed my skills in product reviewing for the unsuspecting,” she said.

It was while reviewing beds that Sarah met her future business partner, Ross.

Two years later, in 2020, both lost their jobs due to the pandemic, and in the summer of 2021 they launched a sex toy website, Delicto, which sells sex toys and provides advice and reviews about them.

Sarah said: “I thought the only thing I liked more than sleeping was sex – so that’s where we went.”

She encourages everyone to open up to a broader definition of “sexuality” and engage in less shameful conversations.

Sarah said: “I hope that as a collective we can have less shame when talking about sex, both with ourselves and with each other.”

“Most of us experience this at some point in our lives, so why should we be ashamed?”

Pornography is another area where Sarah has an opinion.

“A lot of people think porn is a bad thing anyway, but the industry has come a long way in the last decade,” she said.

She highlighted the rise of so-called “ethical porn,” where sex workers and performers start their own businesses rather than being part of large porn sites.

For Sarah, platforms like OnlyFans are good for promoting sex positivity.

“It’s kind of like a porn farmers market where young people can learn about kink or anatomy in a healthy, positive way,” she said.

On the other hand, she argues that mainstream pornography often perpetuates harmful ideas about consent, anatomy, and pleasure.

Sarah said: “A lot of women and people with vulvas think that if their labia aren’t small then there’s something wrong with them.

She also said the sex industry exacerbates the orgasm gap, where men’s orgasms are prioritized over women’s.

In her job, Sarah does comprehensive reviews of all the latest sex toys – and has personally tested over 150 different sex toys.

She said: “We provide sex education and tips and tutorials on how to use them.

“When the business first started, we had our ups and downs, and at one point we thought, should we go back to work for this guy?

“But now we are stronger than ever before.”