✓ This article was originally written by Donna Turner and has the latest research in 2025 through Naima Karp.
Some people don’t need prompts to strengthen their sexual desires, either wanting to have sex or always accepting sex. Then, some others will coax or warm up a little more before the mood rises. Sometimes – read: These people are more than you think – these people are integrated into relationships, and their different approaches to passion can be the source of chaos or frustration.
Mismatched sexual desire, also known as sexual desire difference, is More common than you think. But talking about this topic is complicated. When discussing mismatched sexual mismatch emotional injury, the main problem stems from the lack of education on the subject in our youth. When it comes to sexual desire and sexual desire, it is important to first understand what someone does and what they cannot control, such as their natural sexual desire.
The causes of low libido can vary, from the type of desire you experience to medication or aging. Read on to learn more about these factors and how to maximize satisfaction if you don’t match your mismatched sexual desire.
Spontaneous and responsive wishes
Some people will be caused within seconds, while others will take longer to get warmed up. The difference between this is called spontaneous and Responsive sexual desire.
Someone Spontaneous desire In the moments leading to intercourse, it is often initiated or not required to have too much intimacy.
Someone Responsive desireOn the other hand, don’t experience this feeling of desire until they get stuck in foreplay.
Companions with responsive desires (usually women) may be misunderstood as low sexual desire. In fact, they just have a different desire, which is not impulsive, and first requires some start to another person.
What causes low sexual desire among men and women?
In addition to the desire type, there are several factors that can lead to low sexual desire and cause poor sexual desire.
- hormone: Our hormones fluctuate throughout our lives, which may affect sexual desire. During perimenopause and menopause, estrogen and progesterone can produce lower sexual desire. Research shows that gender reduction and overall interest in sex can Reduce by more than 40% During menopause. The same thing will happen during the period breast-feeding. In middle age, men also experience a decrease in hormones, and less testosterone means lower sexual desire. Contraceptives such as birth control pills can also lead to a decrease in sexual desire.
- Drugs and Conditions: For those on top Antidepressants or beta blockers, plunge libido is common. Someone also wondered: Will PCOS cause low sexual desire? The answer is yes, PCOS can lead to decreased sexual desire.
- Mental Health: Burned at work, caring for children or handling other responsibilities can affect our desires. Taking care of your mental health is often an important step in restoring your sexual desire. When we are anxious and stressed, we don’t feel the most confident.
- Long-term rut: When you are on your honeymoon stage, you always want to take off your clothes. But when you are Long-term relationship Over the years, this excitement will be reduced. Watch a couple therapist using tools like this Sex toysor trying new things to get rid of the routine can help.
How to talk about mismatched sexual desire and improve satisfaction
This is not a simple topic for couples, but The beginning of communication It is the first step to understand mismatched sexual desire. For those living with people who have a desire to respond, taking on the pressure of continually exercising sexual activities can increase stress. Dialogue (and trial and error) can help determine what is usually effective.
There is no universal “normal” in the sex drive spectrum, and there is a cookie-cutter secret recipe of how to increase female sexual desire or male sexual desire. If your sexual desires and your partner don’t match, you’re not at fault. One person may want multiple times a week, while the other person may want once or twice a month Even these numbers will fluctuate Depending on stressful world events or what happens in daily life, such as burnout at home or unfair split labor.
Open and honest communication
When it comes to you and your partner, Does your sexual drive match? No matter which end you are on, if there is such a difference in sexual desire in your relationship, then the responsibility is on the two of you when dealing with this. First is an open, honest conversation that is pre-planned in a safe space, not after that or after a period of sex. This study It shows that couples who communicate with sex are not only satisfied with sex, but also with their relationship.
Foreplay
Is the foreplay cooking candlelight dinner and giving them a massage? Clean the house and buy gifts? Hug in the movie? Use sex toys together, or make sure they have their own time to masturbate and have long bubble baths?
Foreplay doesn’t always start in the bedroom, men’s Longer foreplay conversation The same is true for this study.
Lifestyle changes
On the gentle end of the spectrum, you can change your sexual desire by reducing life stress or meditating, eating a healthier diet, and exercising more life (can change your sexual desire (Exercise can improve sexual desire! ), go to bed again.
Trying new things, such as adding novelty in the bedroom with new sex toys, fantasies, or tangles can add to boring routines. Sexual Therapy (individual or couple) can help provide guidance, and couples may even want to consider a consistent polyang relationship with the assistance of a multi-room coach.
Redefine intimacy
Sex does not always have to include penetration. Oral sex fingering, Use sex toys together Can strengthen your relationship and maintain closeness in less traditional ways. Vibrators such as sex toys man and female It can help close the orgasm gap, which is common in relationships. according to This studyCompared to men, women only have 46% to 56% of their time, while men have up to 85%.
Masturbation between each other It is also a low-pressure way to maintain satisfaction. After all, no one knows your body as much as you do! Touching yourself can help you better understand each other’s desires.
You can also arrange sex. While this may not be as exciting for spontaneous partners, it provides more planning time for responding partners so they can prepare for intimacy mentally and emotionally.
The final thought
Being able to try to solve this mismatch while trying to solve the mismatch of this problem, but that’s not all: it will also remind you both of the work of a romantic relationship and why you work together To build the last one.
Some people may naturally lower the sexual drive that isn’t necessarily responsive, which may open up conversations for a bigger change in your life.
When you enter a relationship, the sexual desire you have is not necessarily the same as the sexual desire you maintain throughout the process. You won’t always meet on a sexual level throughout a relationship, but understanding, compassion and compassion (and using any resources you can use) will help keep the fire alive.
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