Real talk about dating and relationships

In fact, the last few dates have been uneventful and downright annoying! A bad date can include a variety of situations. These include a lack of chemistry, blatant rudeness, boredom, narcissistic behavior, or embarrassing things happening. We all have our stories!

Your intuition should always be your primary guide when dating. If it doesn’t feel good and your gut is upset, steer clear! Even a single text can reveal a red flag!

10 Things to Know on a First Date:

1. Do they care about you? Are you interested in each other?
2. Do they put effort into their appearance and complement your appearance?
3. Is the conversation shared equally, or does it feel like an interview?
4. Did they show respect and courtesy throughout the date? What does their body language say?
5. Do they make you feel comfortable? Are they playful or too intense?
6. Did they keep to their scheduled appointments and were they on time? Have they canceled or rescheduled the date?
7. Do they bring up sex right away in early conversations?
8. After the date, did they take you to the car or the front door?
9. How much do you have in common? Does the conversation flow smoothly, or is it awkward or forced?
10. Are they authentic and interesting? Are you interested in them and really want to see them again? Make sure there is a connection before agreeing to see them again. Don’t ignore anything that seems insincere.

What should you do if you feel uncomfortable and want to leave while out on a date?

When things don’t go well, many people are too nice or too shy to say anything controversial. It’s always a good idea to tell them you have a 2-hour time limit for your first date. That way, they know you have to go somewhere else and you won’t feel awkward leaving.

If you’re not feeling well, listen to your gut! Safety always comes first. Thank them for the date and leave the venue. You won’t connect with everyone. The biggest lesson in dating is to know when you’re not compatible with someone. If you don’t feel something, don’t procrastinate. That’s why we dated, to see if it was a good fit. You want to be consistent with how you interact.

Enforce safety rules.

1. For the first few dates, don’t go to their house or have them come to yours. See them in public settings.
2. Avoid asking them to pick you up. Wait until you have established trust and rapport with them. For safety reasons, always control your entry and exit during the early stages of meeting someone.
3. Don’t trust them too much and immediately believe everything they say! Listen to what they are actually saying, not what you want to hear.
4. No matter how many texts or calls you send them, you still don’t know them. (There are some very manipulative writers out there.) If they text you months before you meet them, they’re not interested in a committed partnership. move on.
5. Don’t fall for their rhetoric until you’ve met them face to face. Eye contact tells you a lot about a person!
6. Pay attention to their body language. Do they show respect and interest in what you have to say? Are they arrogant?
7. Do they bring up sex too quickly? Are they immediately responsive to you? Do they want you to sleep with them immediately?
8. Is your gut telling you to walk away? Always listen to your gut! Train yourself to spot red flags immediately.

Photographed by Cotton Burrow Studio

Should you be honest if your date is rude?

Most people don’t know how to express themselves when dealing with something like this. If the date isn’t going well, politely tell them what’s bothering you. If they react defensively or dismissively, say goodnight and leave the date. Chalk it up as an experience you don’t want to continue. If you’re too nervous to tell them about your date, you can choose to say no when they ask you out again.

Your honesty can change their lives. Maybe they will learn a valuable lesson from their rude behavior. Some people really don’t know what kind of impression they leave on others. Sometimes we go down certain paths to teach others how to be better.

Life lessons are not just what we need to know about ourselves. They are also about what we can teach others.

I met a man through a friend, and our entire first date was spent on the phone. An hour passed and I stood up from my seat. I walked up to the waiter, paid my portion of the bill, and left without saying a word. I’m not sure he noticed.

He didn’t respect me or my time and didn’t even lift a finger to silently apologize. This was obviously something he did often, but he didn’t think much of it. I was angry but quickly got over it. Don’t waste too much time analyzing bad behavior or taking it personally. It’s something they deal with and some people are just rude, plain and simple.

One way to prevent awkward dates is to know something about the other person in advance.

1. Don’t take their online dating profile as truth. People lie all the time!
2. Pay attention to your friends or family members’ suggestions for the perfect match they have for you. Talk to them on the phone before meeting in person and ask questions that are important to you. Asking them to text a photo isn’t unreasonable or superficial. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.
3. Use technology at your fingertips; Google them! Most people use some form of social media, such as Facebook, Instagram or X. If the content exists in cyberspace, it is free for the public to view. Protecting yourself is always your first priority!
4. Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City” Say a first date is like a job interview with cocktails. How true is this statement? When you apply for a job, you want to pay attention to what they are saying and what they are offering you. Unfortunately, many men and women don’t really hear what is said on the first few dates. You can save yourself a lot of time and energy by catching red flags sooner rather than later.
5. Watch your drinking. Cocktails can help you relax on a date, but they can change the way we view a person. It also affects how they view us. Let’s face it; we’re just one small Liquid courage flows in our blood, making us braver. I know it’s easier to face new people after a few beers or a glass of wine. If you want them authentic, choose coffee. This is a better choice on a first date.

Photo by Catalina Holmes

Narcissism is common and very annoying! This is when someone talks about themselves throughout the entire first date. They brag about their accomplishments, who they know, and how much money they have. They would mention what type of car they drove and often openly discuss sex. They might as well talk to themselves in the mirror.

Nervousness is one thing, arrogance another. Caring about the other person is the first rule of dating. If it’s all about them in the beginning, it probably always will be.

When planning a first date:

• A coffee date is always a good first date option. There’s little stress and the cost is limited. Luxurious venues can be intimidating to some people. It’s important to first see if you like each other.
• There are always alternative date options. Your original plans may change because of the weather or something that makes your date uncomfortable.
• Be organized, follow through, and always respect their time. Don’t give up on a date at the last minute because something better comes along!
• We all have first date insecurities. The more information you have about date details, the more reassured you will feel. There won’t be any surprises. You’ll both know what to wear (casual or dressy, heels or running shoes). You’ll know in advance if you should eat or not, and you’ll be able to see directions to the meeting point. Ask them if they have any questions or if they are happy with the date and location you chose.
• Confirm date! This is appreciated and appropriate etiquette, especially if the situation was discussed a week or two ago. This reassures them that you haven’t forgotten about it. They take comfort in knowing you are thinking of them and looking forward to seeing them.

When you remain focused, observant, and clear-headed in any situation, dating becomes a rewarding experience. You’ll learn how to weed out the wrong types and eventually stop attracting them. Keep an open mind, but avoid spending time with people you don’t have a connection with. You shouldn’t talk yourself into being with someone!

It should be a natural fit that goes smoothly without too many questions or unnecessary compromises. Yes, dating is frustrating and can take a toll on your self-esteem, but anything worth having isn’t always easy. Don’t give up on love. Approach every experience with patience and determination, just like you would any other goal in life. Meeting a potential partner is always worth the wait and persistence.

CyberSu XO

Private Dating Relationship Coaching with Sybersue – Please contact me at Dearsybersue@gmail.com and send me a message to schedule a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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