On the Edge of Arousal: How to Achieve Orgasm 101 | Aldult Toys Blog

If you’re looking for (carnal) knowledge in this article, chances are you’re a bit like me: an open-minded sexual explorer who hasn’t yet found that magic button that changes everything—you know, that button marked “Big O.”

By the time I was 21, I had slept with quite a few people (admittedly, I had never had a real relationship). The fact is, while I had helped trigger many orgasms in the men (and a few women) I was in relationships with, I had never orgasmed myself. Interestingly, none of my sexual partners had ever brought this up. this obvious disparity It wasn’t until I was having coffee with a dear friend one day that I realized I had some solo personal work to do if I wanted to become an orgasmic being. Shocked that I had never orgasmed before (especially considering the major sex vibe I was giving off), she told me in no uncertain terms, “You can’t expect someone else to make you cum if you can’t make yourself cum.” My friend wasn’t talking about letting shitty lovers get away with being shitty—she was talking about the deeper work we all need to do to manifest what we want. What she told me that day stuck with me, and after discussing some basic clitoral stimulation techniques (i.e., stroking in a circular motion), I went home and experimented—for the rest of the day. And guess what? I came. And then I started again.

While you should never let anyone measure your worth by your ability to orgasm or make you feel pressured or stressed about it in any way (counterproductive!), if you feel like you’re ready to go and just need a little nudge in the right direction, this one’s for you.

What exactly is an orgasm?

Let’s get down to business, shall we? When you’re excited, the blood flow to your genitals increasesmaking them more sensitive. As your arousal increases, your heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing tend to increase. As you approach orgasm (AKA climax), your muscles may tense or spasm. Many women also experience rhythmic spasms in the vagina while While there is no single formula for orgasm, studies have shown that sexual response tends to follow several specific steps: arousal (arousal increases); plateau (arousal increases and then levels off); orgasm (intense feelings of pleasure, sometimes explosive); and resolution (arousal decreases). Many women are able to have another orgasm after their first (AKA multiple orgasms), while most men typically need a longer interim period (women have superpowers, that’s why).

Now that you have a basic understanding of What an orgasm involves, it should also be noted that there are many types orgasms, including clitoral orgasm, vaginal orgasmG-spot orgasm, anal orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, and much more. What’s even crazier is that different types of orgasms are intimately linked and you can have several at the same time, in other words a mixed orgasm. But that’s a topic for another day. For now, think about this: the path The way orgasm is achieved can vary wildly. If you’re new to orgasm, chances are you’ll start with a clitoral orgasm, but if you orgasm any other way, hats off to you, dear!

How to make yourself cum

Whether you’re experimenting solo or with a partner (either way, make time for solo play!), consider incorporating the following tips into your orgasmic repertoire. Note: With a slight shift in perspective, the following tips can also be helpful if your current project involves trying to convince your partner to make you orgasm. the partners pussy to walk on the path of pleasure. So, use it as you see fit!

1. Get out of your head…and into your body

It’s all about the narrative here, as it often is, you know, the one that’s on repeat in your head. Great sex, great masturbation, and the ability to fully experience pleasure all require being present. And to be truly present, you need to inhabit your body, not your whirling, swirling mind. Maybe you’re exploring with a partner and constantly feeling self-conscious about your cellulite or your boobs, or you feel like a slut just for the fun of it. Whatever it is, you need to exorcise these anti-orgasmic demons, because that’s what they are. Our cultural conditioning as women is a minefield, and it’s hard not to internalize the many conflicting messagesWe are inundated with these sensations from a young age. Think of orgasm as an act of rebellion against everyone who tries to put you in a box; your box will thank you (sorry, I had to bring that up). That said, don’t pressure yourself. Start with no specific goal. You know, the journey is a real treat in itself.

2. Practice, practice, practice

Just like playing the piano or riding a bike, practice makes perfect! It doesn’t require magic or great skill. It just requires commitment. Of course, it should never feel like a chore. “While I can’t guarantee orgasms, I can tell you that women who master their own masturbation routine get closer to orgasm every time,” says the sexologist Emily Morse“My best advice is to take pleasure into your own hands and become the expert on your own body. When exploring your self-love routine, it’s best to be patient and take it slow.” In other words, try not to masturbate impatiently or beat yourself up about not coming fast enough with a partner. The goal here is to explore and practice exploration. moreOnce you find what works for you, you can start perfecting your, uh, craft.

3. Be experimental

To learn the true paths of pleasure, nothing is more important than the willingness to experiment. Each of us has our own unique sensibilities. Because we are complex and beautiful beings. And yet so simple too. Truly, we embody the paradox. If each of us reached orgasm in exactly the same way, it might be easier, but it would also be a lot less exciting. So, experiment: play with different levels of pressure, movements, positions, and types of touch. When I first started learning how to orgasm, I discovered that resting my entire pelvis against the wall of my bedroom was the way to go. I felt so exposed that way, and for me, it triggered something I needed to follow through on my pleasure. In contrast, I have a friend who can only orgasm by lying on her back and stimulating her clitoris with her toes (she is flexible that way). No kidding. Whatever you do, have fun. You can experiment with a whole range of different techniques. sex toysAnd if you’re in a relationship, find ways to experiment with your partner as well.

4. Don’t hesitate to use lubricant

When I was first learning how to blow myself, I would lick my fingers every few seconds and reapply moisture. I loved tasting myself in the process, and to this day, I find it works wonders for me. That said, I understand that some people prefer to explore with a good lube instead. In any case, there’s no substitute for a quality water-based lube. Plus, it has so many uses (anal pleasure, anyone?), that it’s a good idea to have a bottle on hand, whether or not you plan on using it right away.

Bottom line: There are countless ways to orgasm. Some can orgasm by touching their breasts or kissing their neck, while others need deep probing, and still others can achieve it without any touching, just by fantasizing (true story). Whatever you do, be adventurous. You never know what will tip you over the edge. You can do it.