Nurture Your Marriage: The Power of Attention and Respect

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When I sit and observe people, I see that many crave attention and respect. I’ve seen some people do crazy things to get these things.

If you have children, you’ll see them do this before they can speak. Adults are more subtle, but if you look closely you’ll see it’s everywhere. When Lori and I work with couples, we see this in the vast majority of marriages.

Chances are, your wife wants more attention and more respect from you. She probably desires these things far more than you think, which is probably the reason for most of the things she does. Anger and withdrawal may stem from a need for respect. Nagging, manipulative, and controlling behaviors may be an attempt to gain attention. Any of these needs may exacerbate sexual restriction or rejection.

Rather than trying to determine if this is a dynamic in your marriage, assume it is. Rather than saying that processing is wrong, think of it as a wrong response to an unmet need.

Give your wife the attention and respect she deserves Because it’s the right thing to do. Meeting these needs should lead to good changes, which you can consider as a reward.

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