Myth: Spontaneous Sex Exists | Aldult Toys Blog

For many of us, the first depiction of sex we saw was on screen. For me, it was the movies of the 1980s and 1990s. Hot, spontaneous sex was a mainstay, for goodness sake. It seemed like there couldn’t be a movie without at least one scene like that. And I don’t know what it is. your I had parents, but mine never really supervised what we watched, even when we were young. These movies instilled passion, to say the least; they helped fuel my notion of romance, of what was reasonable to expect from a relationship—and they showed me what good sex should look like. Surprisingly, it took real life to set me straight. Interestingly, while movies have changed a lot in the last two decades, the portrayal of hot sex as inherently spontaneous hasn’t.

Today, as a full-fledged adult who also happens to be a huge fan of mind-blowing sex, I nonetheless challenge the persistent idea that non-spontaneous sex is somehow inferior to reality. Because it’s ideas like this that put undue pressure on relationships, create Unrealistic expectationsand ultimately reduce us to enjoying sex (and life) a little less.

And there you have it. Spontaneous sex, after all, is not Really exist. Although organic spontaneity is one thing, and can somehow While this naturally happens from time to time in long-term relationships (i.e., first thing in the morning, morning breath notwithstanding), even the freshest flings are characterized by more planning and anticipation than some would admit (elaborate grooming habits, anyone?). The fear many of us feel in less-than-new relationships when it comes to getting tired, falling into a rut, or, worse, having to plan Sex comes from these Hollywood stories as much as from these spontaneous and steamy sex scenes: we have all seen the archetype of the not-yet-old couple whose sex appeal and joie de vivre have long since left the cozy nest. They eat frozen meals and haven’t touched each other for years. Or they make a mistake with people who offer them the “spontaneity” they so badly need, right?

But the problem is this: life doesn’t need to imitate television. So-called spontaneity versus stagnation and betrayal are not the only options. After all, the attachment that many of us have to create illusion of spontaneity can drain your sexuality from your heart. Not to mention that creating illusions takes a lot of planning and is hardly spontaneous, right? You know what I mean?

In an effort to deconstruct some of the sub-myths that support the overarching myth, “Hot sex is spontaneous sex,” I hereby offer you the following untruths about quality sex:

It’s effortless.

The belief that sexual intercourse happens spontaneously is very seductive. Not only does it suppress the urge to have sex, it work working on it; by extension, it allows both partners to take on a passive role. In some couples, this belief can actually act as a massive “cock block,” as it reduces the likelihood that either partner will actively play a passive role. initiate sex.

Communication is not necessary.

At least, not the relatively straightforward verbal kind. I, too, used to believe that sex was “hotter without the need for talking.” After all, what’s hotter than “just knowing you’re both ready,” right? The problem is, having sex in the dark means skipping over crucial things like expressing what turns you on and off, boundaries, consent—or any emotion that requires a little specificity to convey. If it helps, you might do well to ponder the fact that dirty talk This is definitely a thing, and there are many ways to do it.

It is magic.

We choose to imbue sex with characteristics like “magic” because the idea that sex and sexual compatibility stem from something as mysterious and ethereal as sexual “chemistry” goes hand in hand with the concept of “love at first sight”: you know right away whether you have it or not, and if you do, it stays that way (myth alert). No, rumor has it that real Magic can be achieved by building something lasting – by choosing someone over and over again in every moment, and committing to exploring a range of possibilities (sexual and otherwise) with that person.

The Truth: Intention and Attention Are Key to Hot Sex

Can you handle the truth?

THE Aanticipation It is the feeling of pleasure that creates this famous feeling of “spontaneity”. As psychotherapist Esther Perel says the dishTHE The Secret to Lasting Desire in a Long Term Relationship is of not Expect spontaneous sex. In other words, any lasting sexual relationship requires effort, even work. Committing to someone is about exploring sexual uncertainty, and uncertainty is a kind of Magic This requires you to let go of the old myth that sex has to be spontaneous. Many loving and eager couples spend their free time cooking, cleaning, raising children, and catching their breath. Intentionally making time and space for your sex life and giving it the attention it deserves are both necessary and very worthwhile efforts.

Fact: Your planned sex date doesn’t have to be just another task to cross off your list. Think of it this way: Anticipation, or looking forward to something, is a huge part of building desire. In other words, planning sex can actually help build desire. through anticipation.

Bottom line: Giving in to the ebb and flow of desire, creativity, mood, and circumstance is part of what makes you such an exciting and excitable vessel for potential pleasure. And it’s pretty exciting.