My understanding of age gap relationships

My name is Alex, I’m a 27 year old from New Zealand and I’m in a committed relationship with a man 22 years older than me, Milan. It’s an amazing relationship, full of love, respect, and a strong commitment to open communication.

Listen: Sister Speech Episode 2 – Age Gap Relationships

How We Met

I met him while working as a nanny for Milan’s family. During those 5 years we developed a very strong friendship and spent a lot of time together. During the COVID lockdown we looked after the kids together and even traveled to Japan for a month. We had very similar senses of humour and had a lot of fun together. I remember thinking how serendipitous it was that I had become good friends with a man who was in his 40s but who had such a youthful, vibrant vibe about him.

At that point, we were just friends, although subconsciously, I felt I was always deeply in love with him. I never allowed myself to think that because we were both in other relationships! When the nanny job ended, I had just ended my current relationship and moved out of town to try to start a new life in the South Island. Milan and I stayed in touch during that time and we would check in on each other regularly.

Fall in love

A few years later, we were single again. I moved back home because the job in the South wasn’t working for me, and we saw each other a few times. Something shifted for me – it was like an aha moment. I realized that my feelings for him were much stronger than I had expected. Before I knew it, I was in love with him.

I did everything I could to ignore these feelings because I knew being together would be complicated. I even worked with my therapist regularly! Eventually, my love for him overcame my doubts and worries, so I chose to listen to my heart and go for it. Everything felt natural from the beginning, we were just attracted to each other, the feelings of desire were strong, and the passion was unmatched. We grew closer and closer, started living together, and tried to ignore the outside judgments and opinions of others. We knew what we had was worth it.

Fast forward to almost 3 years of living together and building a life together. Our friends and family have been so supportive. Time has proven to them that we truly love each other, and that’s it.

Do people judge relationships with large age gaps?

In a word: YES! Relationships with large age gaps tend to attract attention and curiosity. Hey, I get it! Who doesn’t like a scandal? Especially one about someone else’s relationship! In the early days, I did feel judged more by others, but now I don’t notice or care because it’s just too normal for me. Historically, relationships with large age gaps have been viewed with suspicion and even disapproval. However, social attitudes are changing as people realize that love and compatibility are not limited by age. More and more people are coming to terms with the idea that happiness in a relationship depends on emotional fulfillment rather than conforming to social norms.

Even though some people are quick to jump to conclusions, they’ve realised that it’s just like any other relationship! If your values ​​align and you’re at a similar stage in life, then the age gap really doesn’t matter. Age gap relationships are actually on the rise in New Zealand, as singles in 2024 are less willing to follow traditional dating rules. Some of our friends are in relationships with the same age gap as us, so it feels normal now. So, if you haven’t met your match yet, you should consider setting your age bracket higher (or lower) on dating apps.

Age Gap Relationships: Myths and Stereotypes

Of course the whole “sugar daddy” story came up, which I thought was hilarious. People used to say to me “wow, I guess he must be rich”, I mean don’t get me wrong
Wrong, a 48-year-old may have more financial resources than someone my age, sure. But as I often joke with my partner, there are richer men in the world, and he certainly knows I’m not with him just for his money.

Another stereotype about me is that I definitely have “daddy issues.” I find this statement so funny because it couldn’t be further from the truth. I have a very caring and supportive father who lets me trust my decisions and go after what I want. When I told him about Milan and I, he supported us and was happy for us. I’m so grateful for that because I feel like most fathers wouldn’t react the same way!

What about sex?

One question I get asked a lot is about sex. What’s sex like? How often? Is it better with someone older? Would you call him daddy in the bedroom? Trust me – I’ve been through it all! We all have different ideas, and older means more experience, which is certainly not a bad thing when it comes to sex! Having an experienced partner can definitely make sex more pleasurable and intense, and for him, having a younger partner means I’m more than willing to explore and try new things in the bedroom. No, there are no little blue dots – at least not yet!

One thing I really want people to know is that age gap relationships can be like any other relationship. It really isn’t rocket science, and I truly believe that love comes in many shapes and sizes. Society tells us what love “should” look like: man meets woman, they get married, have kids, and there’s a white picket fence. But over and over again over the years, people have proven that love is love. No matter what. We are no exception. Milan and I have never been happier together than we are right now. We have so much fun together. We love our lives, and I wouldn’t live it any other way.