My partner likes strap-on dildos. What should I do?

Whether you’re an aspiring dominatrix or a masochist, you may feel a little nervous the first time you try a strap-on dildo.

If you know your partner is into it, half the work is done. Now it’s time to figure out if this kink is right for you and build up your confidence to try it.

Is this strap-on dildo right for you?

Whenever someone asks me what to do when they’re not interested in something their partner wants to do, I always start by asking the same question: What is it about this thing that turns you off?

I start here because I don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all answer. For some people, trying new things, like Introducing toys into your relationshipis the way out. Maybe you’ll find that you like it. Maybe you’ll decide it’s not for you, but that’s not a big deal and you can always do something you like later. Maybe you’ll find that you like how it makes your partner feel, even if it’s not for you. The only way to find out is to try it.

On the other hand, there are also a lot of good reasons not to go there. Maybe it’s sexually stimulating. Maybe you’ll react too quickly. Maybe you just don’t feel like doing it. I don’t want to tell someone they have to do anything sexual that they don’t want to do.

That’s why I started with this question. Why don’t you like strap-ons? Is it because you don’t like anal sex? Is it because you think men who have anal sex are not masculine enough? Is it because you think anal sex looks silly? Are you afraid of hurting him or don’t know what to do? When you understand your reasons, your decision may change.

Find out why your partner loves strap-ons

It’s also worth asking why they find it exciting. Some couples enjoy strap-on dildos simply because of the physical sensation. Some enjoy it as a form of power play, similar to Bondage and Trainingthey enjoy the feeling of being sexually submissive. (Note: being penetrated is not necessarily a submissive act.) Some enjoy playing with gender roles and exploring them.

You may find some of these reasons off-putting, but unless you know your partner is motivated by these reasons, there is no reason to let them get in the way. For example, if they just like the feeling and you are turned off by the idea of ​​them being submissive, that’s fine because it’s not part of what they like.

My favorite way to unravel the mystery is to ask, “What turns you on?” Have this conversation in a non-sexual context, not a flirtation or sexy talk. It’s a sincere question, and sexual desire puts us in an altered state of consciousness, so you may not get the information you need.

How to Use a Strap-On Dildo

If you decide to give strap-on dildos a try, it’s a lot more fun if you know what you’re doing. My book, The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasurecontains everything you need to easily explore the male G-spot, including an entire chapter on strap-on dildos. Book Website There’s a lot to get you started. The more you know, the more fun you’ll have!

As for which toys and strap-on dildos to choose, we recommend choosing smaller toys with a flared base to fit more easily. Wearable dildo beltOf course there are high-end ones. Skin-friendly materials That way you can focus on exploring new avenues of happiness.

When it comes to experimenting with sex in the bedroom, the key is always confidence. Try to let go of your worries and keep an open mind. Whether you decide it’s not for you or you really enjoy strap-on dildos for a variety of reasons, it’s an invitation to create a deeper level of intimacy with your partner and yourself.