Make the 12-step meeting a part of your recovery of non-negotiable

Erin Snow

Many people recover from sexual, porn and paired substance/sex addicts and get outpatient therapists and think, and think, Alas, I’ve been in therapy and I’ve paid a lot of money for it, and now I’ve seen a therapist and I’ve paid a lot of money for it. So why did everyone tell me I needed to attend a 12-step meeting? Shouldn’t I be cured now?

Sadly, there is no cure for addiction. How good a treatment center is, or how good your therapist is, your addiction is not and will not be cured now. Instead of spending a few weeks in recovery, you can go out the door. Instead, you will have a basic understanding of your own problems, some useful coping tips that can be turned to when triggering relapses, and detailed plans to build and maintain a sober life. But you won’t be able to heal your addiction.

That’s why those around you emphasize the importance of 12-step recovery. In the 12-step group, you will find a safe place to talk about your addiction, its consequences, sober struggles, and life hardships in general. You can do this in real time with others who are dealing with similar issues. If you don’t have an in-person meeting at the moment you need help, you may find an online meeting. If not found, call another group member via phone or a nearby coffee shop and have a “instant meeting”.

The simple fact is that when you feel triggering a positive addiction, the most effective way to combat these ideas is to talk to another recovered addict, let that person know you are struggling and seek advice on what to do. This can be done in an actual 12-step meeting or “meeting between meetings” where you and your fellow-recovered addicts just reach out to each other to socialize and stay awake.

Sex addiction, porn addiction, and paired substance/sex addiction can damage your sense of reality and force you into social and emotional isolation. Twelve-step recovery offsets these effects. In a 12-step meeting (and other group recovery settings), you can interact meaningfully with others facing challenges similar to yourself. This raises awareness that you are not alone and others face similar thoughts, feelings and experiences. This way, you will learn that your problems are not unique and others are willing to be understanding and have no judgment on the journey of recovery and recovery.

However, if you are new to recovery, you may recommend taking 12-step meetings daily (or at all). You might think you can manage your addiction yourself – even if you keep proving before entering the recovery process, you can’t. If so, you might be asked, “Do you take action every day?” Then, you will be told that if you do, you should go to meetings every day, too. If you say that a daily meeting cannot fit your schedule, you may be asked, “How many hours do you spend every day getting addicted?” Then, no matter your answer, you can tell you that you can spend at least an hour to recover.

Ultimately, the key to finding time for 12-step meetings per day is not to prioritize your schedule, but to prioritize yours. A man, a spouse and three children recovering sex addicts, said he still managed to attend 12-step meetings a day. For him, Meetings are not negotiable. No matter what happened in his life, he would find a meeting and get there. This does not mean that life doesn’t happen occasionally in unexpected ways. A child is sick, the tires are flat, the power is extinguished, etc. When faced with this situation, the addict reminds himself that if he is not sober, he is not good to himself or anyone else. “I have to fix myself before I solve the world,” he said.

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If you or someone you care about is struggling with sexual, pornography, or material/sex addiction, please help. Seeking integrity to provide hospitalization for sexual, pornographic and material/sex drug users as well as low-cost online task force. Meanwhile, sexAndRelationshiphealing.com offers a variety of free webinars and visit discussion groups, podcasts, and more.