Anal Beads
Anal Vibrators
Butt Plugs
Prostate Massagers
Alien Dildos
Realistic Dildos
Kegel Exercisers & Balls
Classic Vibrating Eggs
Remote Vibrating Eggs
Vibrating Bullets
Bullet Vibrators
Classic Vibrators
Clitoral Vibrators
G-Spot Vibrators
Massage Wand Vibrators
Rabbit Vibrators
Remote Vibrators
Pocket Stroker & Pussy Masturbators
Vibrating Masturbators
Cock Rings
Penis Pumps
Wearable Vibrators
Blindfolds, Masks & Gags
Bondage Kits
Bondage Wear & Fetish Clothing
Restraints & Handcuffs
Sex Swings
Ticklers, Paddles & Whips
Low desire can be a season, not a sentence | Sex Therapy in
Many people in sex therapy worry that low sexual desire means something is wrong with them or that their relationship is falling apart. It often feels permanent. Just like the verdict. This is the current situation.
But low sexual desire is often statenot a feature. It is responsive, situational, and determined by the current state of your body, nervous system, and relationship.
For many people, low desire is not a diagnosis, nor is it a life sentence. This is a season.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy or should be ignored. Low desire can cause pain, confusion, and damage to relationships. But understanding it as temporary and meaningful rather than flawed can reduce shame and open the door to change.
But low sexual desire is often statenot a feature. It is responsive, situational, and determined by the current state of your body, nervous system, and relationship.
For many people, low desire is not a diagnosis, nor is it a life sentence. This is a season.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy or should be ignored. Low desire can cause pain, confusion, and damage to relationships. But understanding it as temporary and meaningful rather than flawed can reduce shame and open the door to change.
When desire quiets down, it’s usually communicating something
Sexual desire does not exist in a vacuum. It responds to stress, safety, emotional connection, physical health, and internal stress. When cravings calm down, it’s usually a sign that there’s something in your system that needs attention, not compulsion.
Here are some of the most common reasons we see shifts in desire in therapy. None of this means you’re broken.
1. Your nervous system is protected model.
chronic Stress, burnout, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed can all inhibit sexual desire. When your nervous system is focused on getting through the day, intimacy may feel like an additional need rather than a source of nourishment.
This is especially common in people who are high-functioning, caring, or emotionally responsible. Desire often returns when the nervous system experiences more safety, rest, and regulation.
2. Your body is prioritizing other things
Illness, sleep disruption, hormonal changes, pain, medication effects, and recovery periods can all affect sexual desire. Your body may temporarily divert energy away from sexual desire to support healing or stability.
This doesn’t mean desire is gone forever. This means your body is responding intelligently to the current situation.
3. Desire is a response to relationship dynamics, not attraction
Many people think low desire means they are no longer attracted to their partner. In fact, desire is highly sensitive to emotional security, unresolved conflicts, resentments, power dynamics, and unspoken tensions.
If the relationship situation feels tense or disconnected, you may love your partner deeply but still experience low desire. Resolving the relationship often changes the sexual dynamic.
4. Sex becomes strenuous rather than nourishing.
When sex is tied to pressure, expectations, performance, or obligations, desire often disappears. Over time, your body may find that sex requires effort without adequate reward.
Desire is more likely to arise when sex feels optional, collaborative, and emotionally safe, rather than something you have to hold on to.
5. Past experiences are quietly emerging
Trauma, sexual shame, boundary violations, or negative experiences don’t always manifest as overt pain. Sometimes they appear as avoidance, numbness, or lack of interest.
Low desire may be a subtle protective response. Therapy can help people understand and cope with these reactions rather than overturn them.
6. You no longer have the old version of your sexual orientation
Life transitions such as aging, parenthood, identity changes, grief, or personal growth may change desire needs. What worked before may no longer work.
This does not mean a loss of sexual desire. It usually means that it is constantly evolving and requires different conditions, language, or rhythm.
7. Desire requires different conditions, not disappears
Low desire doesn’t always mean less desire. Sometimes this means desire requires more emotional presence, novelty, autonomy, safety, or intentional connection.
When these conditions change, desires often change as well.
Here are some of the most common reasons we see shifts in desire in therapy. None of this means you’re broken.
1. Your nervous system is protected model.
chronic Stress, burnout, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed can all inhibit sexual desire. When your nervous system is focused on getting through the day, intimacy may feel like an additional need rather than a source of nourishment.
This is especially common in people who are high-functioning, caring, or emotionally responsible. Desire often returns when the nervous system experiences more safety, rest, and regulation.
2. Your body is prioritizing other things
Illness, sleep disruption, hormonal changes, pain, medication effects, and recovery periods can all affect sexual desire. Your body may temporarily divert energy away from sexual desire to support healing or stability.
This doesn’t mean desire is gone forever. This means your body is responding intelligently to the current situation.
3. Desire is a response to relationship dynamics, not attraction
Many people think low desire means they are no longer attracted to their partner. In fact, desire is highly sensitive to emotional security, unresolved conflicts, resentments, power dynamics, and unspoken tensions.
If the relationship situation feels tense or disconnected, you may love your partner deeply but still experience low desire. Resolving the relationship often changes the sexual dynamic.
4. Sex becomes strenuous rather than nourishing.
When sex is tied to pressure, expectations, performance, or obligations, desire often disappears. Over time, your body may find that sex requires effort without adequate reward.
Desire is more likely to arise when sex feels optional, collaborative, and emotionally safe, rather than something you have to hold on to.
5. Past experiences are quietly emerging
Trauma, sexual shame, boundary violations, or negative experiences don’t always manifest as overt pain. Sometimes they appear as avoidance, numbness, or lack of interest.
Low desire may be a subtle protective response. Therapy can help people understand and cope with these reactions rather than overturn them.
6. You no longer have the old version of your sexual orientation
Life transitions such as aging, parenthood, identity changes, grief, or personal growth may change desire needs. What worked before may no longer work.
This does not mean a loss of sexual desire. It usually means that it is constantly evolving and requires different conditions, language, or rhythm.
7. Desire requires different conditions, not disappears
Low desire doesn’t always mean less desire. Sometimes this means desire requires more emotional presence, novelty, autonomy, safety, or intentional connection.
When these conditions change, desires often change as well.
Low desire is information, not a life sentence
One of the most harmful beliefs about low desire is that it defines who you are or predicts the future of your relationship. In fact, desire has a rhythm. It rises and falls depending on the context.
Understanding low desire as information allows you to ask better questions. What has changed? What feels heavy? What feels unsafe or exhausting? How might my body react now?
This perspective does nothing to alleviate the pain. It creates possibilities.
What is the focus of sex therapy?
Sex therapy is not about convincing yourself that you want sex or forcing your sexual desire back. It focuses on understanding the implications of this season of low desire and addressing the underlying factors that contribute to low desire.
In therapy, we work with the body, nervous system, and relationships rather than against them. We focus on rebuilding the conditions of desire rather than chasing outcomes or labels.
For many people, low desire changes when stress decreases, emotional safety increases, and sexual behavior is allowed to be reactive rather than performative.
Find support from a Minnesota sex therapist in this chapter
If you are in a season of low desire, you are not defective or doomed. This might just be a chapter, not the entire story.
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of how to move forward, sex therapy can help you understand what your desire requires, rather than judging whether it exists.
You don’t have to go through this season alone. exist Institute of Sexual Healthwe support individuals and couples to build fulfilling, connected, and authentic sexual relationships. There is no perfect amount of sex. The most important thing is that your sex life supports your relationship and overall health. To get started, just:
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of how to move forward, sex therapy can help you understand what your desire requires, rather than judging whether it exists.
You don’t have to go through this season alone. exist Institute of Sexual Healthwe support individuals and couples to build fulfilling, connected, and authentic sexual relationships. There is no perfect amount of sex. The most important thing is that your sex life supports your relationship and overall health. To get started, just:
- Contact the Institute for Sexual Health to schedule your first appointment.
- Make an appointment with one of our experienced sex therapists.
- Start experiencing a deeper emotional connection, greater sexual satisfaction, and newfound confidence in yourself and your relationship.
About the author
​Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and AAMFT-approved supervisor with over 15 years of experience in sex and relationship therapy. she is Institute of Sexual Health and Rejuvenating Life Therapyshe helps individuals and couples address sexual issues, intimacy challenges, and relationship dynamics in a shame-free and trauma-aware environment. Amanda also provides training and supervision to therapists, creating tools and resources to enhance therapist supervisory and clinical skills. ​
Other mental health services in Minnesota
