Is your partner the right one? – Dating Relationships

How do you deal with loneliness in a relationship? Can your love still be saved?

Dear Sybersue,

I have been married for 5 years. In the beginning, our relationship was very passionate! There was a strong sexual attraction between us and we were both equals. Unfortunately, we didn’t have much in common outside of the erotic encounters in the bedroom, and now, since things have slowed down in that area, I feel very distant from my husband.

I’ve given up many of my personal interests and friendships in order to spend time with my husband, and I deeply regret not establishing stronger boundaries in the early stages of our relationship. We barely communicate, so I don’t know how to begin to change this disconnect between us. Is it possible to fix this? Or is our relationship beyond repair?

Thank you so much for any advice you can share with me, I really appreciate it!

Caroline

Dear Carolyn,

Thank you so much for writing in. It’s one thing to feel lonely when you’re single, but feeling lonely every day in a relationship can take an emotional toll on you. Since you gave up much of your independence when you first met your husband, this made you feel even more lonely and lost in a relationship without the support of friendships or other outlets for communication.

Even though your sexual connection is very strong, that alone is not enough to maintain compatibility in other areas of your relationship. This is one of the reasons why I emphasize the importance of having common interests outside of the bedroom first in a new relationship. Many people make this mistake and put sex first.

If you don’t know how to communicate with each other as a couple, then your relationship will fall apart because over time, the intimacy between you will decrease and you will have nothing else to talk about. It is very important to have a strong partnership. You must like each other and love each other for your partnership to last.

Understand the impact of loneliness and emotional disconnection on relationships.

Now is the time to reevaluate the situation because both of you need to clarify what you want in your future partnership. That is, you and your husband must have a desire to learn how to communicate effectively so that you can reestablish a healthy relationship. Both of you must make an effort.

Carolyn, the most important thing here is not to let things stagnate. Do not accept this behavior as the norm, because it is not. Both of you need to take your own responsibility for what is and is not happening in your relationship. Why are you both emotionally closed off? Choosing to ignore the obvious loneliness that is prevalent will only drive your relationship further apart. Loneliness will not go away without putting in the energy to rekindle the love between you.

I suggest you seek couples counseling.

Since both of you are having difficulty communicating, it’s a good idea to discuss this ongoing issue with a professional. If your partner doesn’t want to attend couples therapy, it’s in your best interest to make an effort to attend anyway. It’s important to find tools that can help you understand what’s changed in your relationship and your role in it.

Therapy can also help you discover which path you should take in life. Do you both want the same things in your marriage, and are you wholeheartedly doing everything you can to rekindle the love between you? Are they wholeheartedly committed to it as well? You both must come to a mutual understanding and repair the broken environment in your relationship for things to work.

From now on, I strongly recommend that you regain some independence in your life and learn how to socialize again.

Stay in touch with old friends (you’ll be sorry if you abandoned them five years ago), and if they’ve moved on, join a group to meet new people. Incorporate your old interests back into your weekly schedule. Giving up a big part of yourself for a relationship doesn’t usually end well, and in your case, loneliness is the result of that choice.

The good news is that five years into your relationship, you start to question things.

You understand that there is a problem, and you are willing to make changes to correct the situation before time runs out. The most important question you have to ask your husband and yourself is whether you still love each other. If the answer is yes, you can still work on the problem.

It’s time to sit down and talk to your husband about these changes that are happening between you. Many people shy away from these conversations because they don’t always want to hear the answers. It’s always better to know the truth than to live a one-sided, lonely partnership with someone who has withdrawn.

Common Signs of Loneliness in a relationship:

• Most days, I spend a lot of time alone.
• You feel as though you are living different lives.
• Intimacy has slowed or is non-existent.
• There was little communication and the answers were either “yes” or “no”.
• You rarely socialize together or schedule anything on your calendar.
• You watch TV at night, or watch TV on your phone.
• You will go to bed at different times and may not even sleep in the same room as your partner.

Don’t over-compromise to make someone else happy or just to stay in a relationship.

Don’t give up who you are to be with anyone. I’ve spoken with clients who admitted that they overcompromised for the sake of a relationship because they didn’t want to be alone. It’s important to always stay connected to your friends, interests, and long-term goals. You have to respect yourself first.

In a relationship, it’s healthy to have different hobbies and friendships. You want to stay true to your inner self. Trust me, it makes you a more interesting person. It also makes your relationship more fun because you constantly have things to share. Conversations don’t get boring because there’s always something new to discuss.

Love needs romance to thrive, but you also have to have some tough discussions from time to time to keep your relationship healthy. Don’t let things fester or sweep them under the rug hoping they’ll go away. One of the biggest reasons divorce rates are rising today is due to a lack of communication.

People are busy and become careless about making their relationship a priority. This is a big mistake that happens all the time! Never take each other for granted, you are partners first. Don’t forget what brought you together in the beginning of your relationship; always remember that and keep the fire of love burning.

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and as a couple it’s worth doing everything in your power to repair the difficult times that all relationships go through.

Thanks, Sybersue xo

Sybersue offers private dating relationship coaching – please feel free to contact me at dearsybersue@gmail.com and send me a message there to schedule a video or audio date within 24 hours. Thank you!

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