Is sexual desire more “natural” or more “nurture”? – girly style

I once had a simple, biologically deterministic view of human sexuality. I believe in the “born that way” theory of sexual orientation because it was (and is) an important political argument in an era of homophobic persecution and discrimination, and because there is indeed some evidence that genes and prenatal hormones play a role in determining whether a person is heterosexual or homosexual. We also know that “conversion therapy” (i.e., attempts to “make” queer people straight) is not only ineffective but also cruel torture.

That being said, the older I get and the more I learn about sex, the more I think that our sexual orientation is influenced not only by our biology, but also by our sociocultural environment and life experiences. For example, if I were a housewife married to a man in the 1950s, I might notice occasional attractions to women outside of the marriage, but might conceptualize these feelings as platonic affection or even jealousy. My social circles and life path all lead me in a certain direction, and the idea of ​​straying from that direction was probably too existentially terrifying to even contemplate—so, even though I was bisexual by modern definition (i.e., attracted to people of more than one gender), I almost certainly considered myself heterosexual at the time and never questioned that.

I feel similarly about kink and fetishes – they are more culturally dependent than often acknowledged. For example, some spanking fetishists observe that paddles are more popular in North America—where corporal punishment in schools often involves paddles—while British influence fetishists prefer canes because these are more historically relevant tools in their culture. Our quirks are inevitably influenced by the images, stories, archetypes, fears, and experiences we have acquired throughout our lives.

Yet despite our vast differences, some elements of human sexuality appear to remain the same across the world. For the most part, we value joy, excitement, and connection, even though these things can manifest in a million unique ways. So while a Korean live sex show and a German live sex show (for example) may have different kinks, a different language, and a different aesthetic, both are completely, wonderfully human—and both have the power to inspire and influence your future sexual adventures, no matter how you define your sexuality now.

I worry about relying too much on “nature” or The “educational” aspect of this argument, as it’s been used to hurt queer, trans, kinky, and polyamorous people on both sides. Blaming sex differences on genes, eugenicist bigots began searching for the “gay gene” so that it could be bred away. Instead, these differences are blamed on culture and socialization, and these bigots seek to ban gay books, sexy movies, and drag brunches, as if heterosexuality needs to be so violently defended if it is indeed the “natural order of things.”

But here’s the thing: they hate us no matter what how Let’s explain it ourselves. So I say, we might as well live our truth and interpret our desires as we see fit—including sometimes not explaining at all. Accept the never-ending mystery of human sexuality and boldly declare: “I don’t know Why I want these things, but I do. That’s absolutely fine, regardless of what anyone else thinks about the subject. “

What about you, dear reader? Do you think your sexual orientation is innate, culturally influenced, or both?

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

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