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Is My Porn Use Problematic? Thoughts from a Plymouth, MN Sex

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15 Jun

 


A Note About Pornography Addiction vs. Compulsion


Fight or Flight

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When we experience negative feelings there’s an almost immediate reaction. A part of our brain called the amygdala constantly works to decide if things in the world around us are a threat. This is the fight or flight center of our brain, and unfortunately, it’s not very smart. The amygdala can’t tell the difference between hurtful words and real physical danger. It senses that we are afraid or hurt and it kicks into gear. One way many people end up using porn in an unhealthy way is by using it to “run away” from painful emotional states. Sexual pleasure and stimulation release a whole load of feel-good chemicals in the brain which can temporarily override negative emotions and provide an escape from the pain. The problem here is that it’s only temporary. Once that “high” wears off the problem is still there for you to face. This is where porn use can truly become compulsive. It becomes a cycle of feeling good, and then as soon as the discomfort starts to set in again it’s back to your painkiller. Just about anything can be the cause of this pain, from daily life struggles to deep personal trauma. Again, I’d like to point out the positive here that if you work to heal that internal pain and develop healthy coping skills you can overcome this unhealthy use of pornography.


Finding Meaning: Porn As a Distraction

Pain isn’t the only thing that makes us want to escape. A study published in the November 2022 journal of Personality and Individual Differences found that many people use porn as an escape from the meaninglessness that can arise from boredom. The study’s author had previously found that boredom can convey a strong sense of meaninglessness in life. This meaninglessness is the exact kind of pain we’re talking about when we look at the kind of existential pain people often try to escape from instead of resolving.  In this study, the researchers found a significant link between boredom and pornography use. They identified that indeed pornography use does create a distraction from that negative mental state, and this also leads to increased use. 


Pornography Use in Relationships

Picture of a couple in bed, looking at porn. Porn can impact relationships in many ways, including problematic porn use and out-of-control sexual behaviors in Minnesota. Online therapy in MN can be done with a sex therapist from Plymouth, MN. 55311 | 55305 | 55343

I’ve worked with a lot of couples where pornography use is causing problems in the relationship. One of the primary concerns I hear from partners is a worry that their partner isn’t attracted to them or that they aren’t enough. The good news is that odds are that this isn’t the case. If you’re worried about your own or your partner’s pornography use, a good first question to ask is “Is the porn being used to escape negative emotions?” In the majority of couples I work with this tends to be the case, and means there’s good work we can do to remove the compulsive nature of the use. Some people are opposed to pornography as an idea or feel it is a breach of trust in the relationship. This is just fine, everyone is entitled to set their own boundaries in the relationship. The problem I often see occur with these couples, however, is that they try to essentially quit “cold turkey” without actually resolving the reason why the porn is being used in the first place. So, whether you want to eliminate porn use entirely, or just be able to use it in a healthy way, the first step is to resolve the internal pain that’s driving the unhealthy use. I would also note here that many people often try to use sex in the same way within their relationship- especially to cope with pain within the relationship. People often feel that if their partner will have sex with them then everything is ok.


Moving Forward: Consider Talking With a Minnesota Sex Therapist


Other Sex Therapy and Couples Counseling Services in Minnesota

In addition to sex therapy, our LGBT & polyamory friendly sex therapists provide a wide range of mental health services at our Plymouth, MN counseling office. Other services include therapy around sex and substances, couples therapy & marriage counseling, EFT, evidence-based couples therapy, EMDR & sexual trauma therapy, as well as, teen therapy. In order to help serve the mental health needs of all those living in Minnesota, we also offer online counseling & sex therapy. We also provide a variety of helpful tips on our mental health blog. Please feel free to reach out with questions, or if you would like to schedule an appointment to begin working with a skilled sex therapist! Your sex life can be amazing. Sex therapy can be a part of that process for you.


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