Is my long-distance relationship really over?

Dear Sybersue,

I have been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend Thomas for 18 months. During that time, we broke up twice and both lasted for several days. The final breakup is the exception, and it has been going on for three weeks without contact.

We lived for 3 hours, but we always compromised every 1-2 weeks to visit each other. Taking time to get together is never a problem between us. He dated a lot of girls before we met, but never really maintained a strong relationship. I was the first woman he promised, he was the first man I really loved. We are all 25 years old.

Despite love for each other, our relationship has been a bumpy journey. We have dealt with lies, distrust and jealousy. Sadly, we both deceived each other but wanted to stay together despite all the obstacles. Our recent breakup happened because he said we were in contact with him in constant battles. This drama begins to change how he feels about me, and he needs to get rid of everything.

He admitted that he envied friends in normal relationships. They have no arguments, no issues with dealing with long-distance partnerships. He wanted to be alone now and apologize for his duty in everything that went wrong between us. He said he would never love a girl like he loved me.

Then why did he end things?

Maybe I denied it, but I just can’t accept it’s over. We’ve experienced it a lot and it’s excellent in most cases. A few weeks before we broke up, he said he wanted to sit in an apartment and live together. I’m sorry to tell him now that I’d better wait until I have financial conditions.

I hope this separation will bring us some benefits. Maybe it will shed light on what he really wanted. I feel like he’s sending me a mixed signal about wanting to build a relationship but not. What do you think? Is it possible to rebuild our partnership later?

I was confused about everything because he did tell me that he loved me 3 weeks ago. Now, we break up again, but this time it feels worse than it was in the past. I appreciate anything you want to say about our situation. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my concerns.

grace

Dear Grace,

Your first true love can be a very confusing time. You have never really dealt with new emotions before. No matter the obstacles you encounter, it is a wonderful and joyful feeling. Unfortunately, it is difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship because many couples feel insecure when they are separated. This sounds like one of Thomas’ biggest concerns right now. He envys couples who have no geographical conditions to complicate things.

One thing I know very well is You two Don’t feel safe with your partnership.

This may be the reason why you keep fighting and partnership pushing/pull style. You mentioned that you cheated on each other during the 18-month period. Infidelity is a big red flag and where these issues of trust and jealousy occur. Most importantly, since you all feel insecure, you may be disrupting things subconsciously.

There are strategies to overcome long-distance relationship challenges, but you both have to be consistent. Your communication as a couple must be open and transparent. Regular correspondence is crucial when you are not together. This includes calls via video calls, daily text messages and date nights. Keeping courtship is a place where romance must be kept strong and safe.

You said you were the first girl he promised, but in fact, he wasn’t fully committed. Neither you. I believe He loves you, grace, but love is not always enough to maintain a partnership. Rest is not the answer either. When the relationship is right, you don’t walk away from each other. I think you both need some time to understand the partnership you really want.

Another red flag is that you are not ready to move with him.

It’s a big statement that you’re missing something in this partnership. It sounds like you are confused and sending a mixed signal about your partnership. His willingness to live with you shows that he is serious about making the relationship work. Tell him that you are not ready to move with him.

Money will always be a problem in relationships. I believe that if you are ready to submit, you can budget accordingly. This is something you need to be honest with yourself. Thomas may feel that you are not on the same page in a relationship. He is ready to take the next step, but you are not. That’s why he ended things.

I suggest setting up time to talk to him in the next few weeks. If he’s willing to get together, you’ll have a lot of discussion. Make sure you don’t miss him out of habit. Make sure you do love him before you can play the sport. Sometimes our ego can get in the way we really feel! Also, if you start exercising again, make sure you are ready for a serious relationship. This means preparing to move in with him.

You both have a trust issue, which can lead to the demise of many relationships. It is unhealthy to break down 3 times in 18 months. You both need to analyze why this happens. If there is any chance to re-root, this ongoing drama needs to stop. If he doesn’t want to meet you, you will get the answer. He is ready to move on.

There is a reason everyone enters your life. However, it is important to know when their time expires. This way, you can start looking for a more suitable partnership that will bring you happiness. Relationships can be challenging, but they shouldn’t be continuous roller coasters.

Maintaining self-esteem should always be followed with anyone entering your life. Be careful not to indulge in the highs and lows of breakups. Now is the time to discover if the love you share has a chance to succeed. Do you really love Thomas, or should you let him go?

Thanks, Sybersue XO

Private Dating Relationship Coach with Sybersue – No hesitation to contact me @dearsybersue@gmail.com and message me there to set up a video or audio date in 24 hours. Thank you!

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