I’m an etiquette expert – Congratulations to the newlyweds

If you find yourself typing “congratulations” under a couple’s engagement photos on social media, you might want to think again.

Etiquette expert Alison Chepedak warns that congratulating a couple on an important occasion is actually a faux pas, explaining that it can make getting engaged feel like a necessary life achievement rather than a An act of true love.

“Saying ‘congratulations’ can mean that getting engaged is an accomplishment,” she told Jam Press.

“It’s as if one partner ‘wins’ the other rather than a mutual decision to build a life together.”

The Washington, D.C., etiquette expert explains that congratulating a bride might be seen as surprising that she “found love.”

She added: “It may indicate that one person is lucky enough to get the other person, which may feel like a transaction rather than a celebration of mutual love.” She added that marriage “is not a completed task ”, but a commitment to love.

“While getting married is important, achievement is usually an endeavor that requires a skill or accomplishment, such as a career milestone or accomplishing a personal goal.”

She suggests saying “I’m so happy for you both” or “Best wishes” instead.

“Express excitement without congratulations,” she advises.

“Congratulations should only be reserved for celebrating accomplishments like graduating, finding a new job, or reaching a personal milestone—moments that reflect personal effort and growth—that will look different for different people. “

Cheperdak posted a TikTok series on the topic, which received mixed reactions.

“Hey! So this is crazy,” one reviewer wrote.

“Never in a million years did I think ‘congratulations’ meant ‘I didn’t expect you to do that,'” declared another.

“I don’t think it’s that deep,” another said acidly.

“Oh my gosh,” one user wrote sarcastically. “You are amazing.”

However, some agree with Chepedak’s suggestion.

“Yeah! Always taught that. I always say ‘Best wishes!'” one person said.

“Agreed! I’m a wedding photographer and I just said “OMG, you must be ecstatic. “Similar thing,” agreed another.