I made 5 mistakes on the road to finding my wife

I spent several years doing it my own way before meeting my wife.

I made several mistakes that could have caused my mistakes over many years of connection, intimacy and peace of mind.

I remember sitting across from a friend one night and telling him maybe I just didn’t get eliminated because of lasting love.

I felt frustrated, tired of dating, and believed I must have had a problem. But the facts are actually simpler and hard to admit.

The problem is not love. The problem is me.

I couldn’t see the blind spots I couldn’t see. Especially five, which made me spin for years.

Today, I want to share with you five of these errors so that you don’t have to repeat them.

I made 5 date mistakes before finding my wife

1. Negative beliefs about myself, which are reflected in my attractive partner

For years, I have been sticking with the belief of “too much” in one way or another. Mainly, it’s too sensitive or too emotional.

And because I secretly believed in myself, I ended up attracting partners who (surprise!) who believed in the same thing. Those women with wide eyes when I share something vulnerable. Tell my woman I need to be “up” or not so soft anymore. Who told me that my sweetness was suffocating. In other words, strengthening the women who I have told myself the exact story.

It was painful at the time, but in retrospect, it was completely reasonable. When we are at war with the nature of who we are, we tend to tolerate confirming our self-criticism.

Everything changes when I start trying a different story.

“What if my sensitivity is not a weakness, but a gift? What if my emotions are not a burden, but are actually one of my cutest parts?

It is crucial that I don’t have to have 100% belief in these new ideas until they reflect them in my external dating results. More precisely, once I allowed myself to raise 1% doubt in the old story, that is when it started to change outside.

The more I accept that these parts of myself are valuable, the more I start to attract women who celebrate them. Instead of removing my sensitivity, they see it as one of my greatest strengths. Like me, I’m enough, not “too much”.

Ultimately, your relationship with yourself sets the tone for the relationship you allow for life. When you stop treating your part as a problem, you stop attracting people like you do.

2. The potential of a dater, not the reality of who you are

For several years, I have had a bad habit of dating people with potential, not their actual identities.

On paper (or at least in my mind) they are great. I can see them all Can Grow, Can heal, Can Step into their power. Or, I focus my internal magnifiers on a few things that really do their strengths and then infer those strengths to other areas where they don’t exist.

But what about reality? They are usually a mess. They can’t regulate their emotions, stay financially, take real responsibility for themselves, let alone build relationships.

This is something I have to face in the end…I stayed in those relationships because it was easier for me. I don’t face the core lessons that are pushed onto the face every day and have to stay for longer.

If my partner doesn’t have bandwidth to show up for me, then I don’t have to face the uncomfortable reality that I’m not good at accepting. By choosing someone who doesn’t have real bandwidth to give me, I can avoid making my needs and making it a priority work.

So I made an excuse. I am sure I am the “front of the wave” of change. I told myself that I am patient, support, and loving. Actually, I just avoided my own growth. WOMP Award. No fun.

The transformation is when I finally realize that in a healthy relationship, there is not only need to give but also receive more people. Receiving takes courage. This means letting someone see your needs and actually allowing them to meet for you.

Everything changed when I stopped dating potential and started dating reality.

I attracted a woman who had already taken root, emotionally (my current wife) (my current wife) and was able to see me equally. This is the first time, I have to stretch to love exist… Not just pour out.

3. Too long in misaligned relationships

Another trap I fell into was wandering around in a relationship that I already knew was not suitable for me.

Deep down, I can feel the truth that there is no long-term potential. We do not remain consistent in value, visual or emotional usability. But I stayed, not ended things.

Why? Because the comfort I know is safer than the feeling I don’t know.

Sharing a bed with a familiar person is easier than facing the embarrassment and vulnerability of being single. An excuse about why we are healthy enough is easier than getting ourselves back there and risking rejection. It’s easier to tell yourself “maybe it will be better” than to admit the truth I already know in the gut.

cost? In my life, I spent several years stomping on water, these people’s relationships never had the chance to actually go anywhere.

Ultimately, I have to be honest with myself. I keep the wrong relationship every month and I choose short-term comfort rather than long-term realization.

It takes courage to break this pattern. Courage to leave. Be brave to return to the world of usability. I deserve this to be brave enough to believe that there is a better existence.

4. When the course is stop tolerating bad behavior, see everything as growth opportunity

I’ve been in a blind spot for years, mainly due to some weird spiritual communities I’ve participated in. I thought everything It is an opportunity to take on personal responsibility.

If the partner is passively aggressive, withdrawal or downright meaning to me, I will immediately ask inward: “What is my role in this? What do I need to solve in myself, so will this dynamic improvement be improved?”

On the surface, this may sound high. Many people do need to take more responsibilities in their lives. But in reality, I usually just tolerate bad behavior that I should never allow.

It’s like carrying a sofa with someone. At first, both of you were carrying the load. Then, halfway through the room, they put one side down. Instead of asking, “Why is the only person I am carrying this thing right now?” I would say to myself, “What did I make them let go of it?”

Sometimes it’s even worse because not only do they give up on their side, but they scratch my armpits (metaphorically) when I nervously support the full weight. Somehow, I want to That It’s also my fault.

The truth is, not every relationship is worth saving. Sometimes, this lesson is not “growing” by working for oneself endlessly. Sometimes the lesson is to stop tolerating disrespect, stop over-functioning and place…the sofa… down.

A relationship that grows up is not a relationship that a person never fails to make up for the other person’s lack. They are the ones who show up both, willing to put the weight together.

5. Almost ruined it when I found it

It felt amazing when I finally met in person for the first time. Predict in advance. By God’s guidance.

It was only a few weeks before we were together that way. Like we can’t mess it up because it’s clear Once was. It should have been, whether we want to or not, it is unfolding.

And… there was a point (at the end of our first month of date, when Demetra was about to fly back to Los Angeles to sell all her stuff and then fly back to Canada to live with me), when I suggested maybe we could take advice from the therapist and work in a separate apartment. Indeed, I let other people’s fear/warning words enter my mind, and I deviate from what actually feels true (this is certainly what we should have lived together from the beginning).

This is a major threshold. Just like life is asking both of us, “You actually have the courage to surrender to all yours think Do you know it is true and follow the real thing? Follow your heart, even if it doesn’t make sense? ”

Within a few hours, the waves of that particular storm had passed and I realized I was ridiculous and of course I wanted to live with her from the beginning and we left.

However, it is important to pay attention to the basic theme of what is happening at this intersection.

For years, I have wanted to meet a real, emotional, loving, brave partner who can truly meet me. And then one day, I did it. And I almost threw the guardrail, showing from my lower self in the atmosphere of (prompt to hit the sniving little loser voice), “Well… shouldn’t we be realistic about this? Shouldn’t we be safe, uneasy, take one step at a time?”

But guess what?

Love is not a coward.

Love wants to stand with you, go deep into your eyes and ask, “Do you have anything to do? Do you want this, or do you just want to say you want it?”

At this time, some people got off the car.

They have a story about the “Escaped Man” that will actually re-rule and hang the entire identity for decades.

Any other ones? They jump.

They said, “Yes, it’s a fit, and that’s what I want and I’m going to do everything I can.”

And because they demonstrate this level of will, life matches their commitments with their commitments and rewards all of us with the most beautiful adventures.

Thank goodness. Because, really? Nothing is more beautiful than this.

My marriage was the greatest gift of my life and worth every lesson I had to go to this place.

I want that kind of love for you.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

PS. Do you like this article? Then, you will also like to check out the following various contents:

– How to meet your husband in 30 days

– Everyone asks the wrong questions when looking for the right partner

– How do I know my wife

– How is my married sex life (compared to what I expected)

– I used to think that a married man is an idiot

– 8 Reasons You Will Not Attract People with a Consciousness (like you are currently)

About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sexual and relationship coach for more than 15 years and has worked for more than 200 million people worldwide. His works have been published in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Internationalization, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he doesn’t work with one-on-one coaching clients or write new articles, he is most likely to be found reading, cutting wood or spending time with his wife on a small island on the west coast of Canada.