How to turn to each other during times of division

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I’ve spent the last ten years in anger. Angry at his neighbor who always hangs some new, hateful flag in front of his house. Anger at relatives who make random bigoted remarks at holiday gatherings. Angry at community members who are indifferent to coronavirus safety protocols because they see it as an inconvenience. Angry at the people behind every disinformation campaign. Angry at the person I originally loved.

I can’t believe it’s been four years since I wrote about my mother’s reaction to my Black Lives Matter lawn sign.

I can’t believe I’m still so angry.

If you read that article from four years ago, you know that I have a hard time staying calm and collected when discussing controversial topics with people who disagree with me. Like, I’m the absolute worst.

But being angry all the time makes me tired. And it hasn’t accomplished a damn thing.

Instead of being consumed by hate, instead of yelling at each other and making personal attacks (which only serve to silence the other person), how do we turn to each other?

I’ve been reading a lot on this subject lately, eager to find the secret key to repairing the brokenness within me, and I’ve found that each of the books below has something useful to offer.

I Never Thought Like This: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divisive Times Monica Guzman

Reporter Monica Guzman’s I’ve never thought of it this way Inspired a lot of my recent communication-related reading. Guzman’s life’s work revolves around cross-party communication, which may or may not have something to do with the fact that she is the liberal daughter of Mexican immigrants (who happened to vote for Trump twice). In her book, she writes about how we turn to each other to support mutual understanding and empathy, rather than turning away. She delves into how we find common ground and how we can find perspective in our conversations with others if we approach them with open curiosity.

As someone who has recently been grappling with the grief and anger of family estrangement (for non-political reasons), I appreciate Guzmán’s perspective.

As a journalist who sometimes interviews people on the other side of the political spectrum, and as someone who has to live in this world with others, I appreciate this hopeful, bipartisan approach to discussion.

Calling: How to Start Making Change in People You’d Rather Cancel By Loretta J. Ross

In my last article about contentious conversations I mentioned the importance of determining whether a situation warrants an appeal or appeal.

As a reminder, calling someone out involves calling attention to someone’s problematic words or actions. At the same time, phone calls also attempt to address a person’s problem behavior, but in a more compassionate and patient manner.

exist Incoming callActivist Loretta J. Ross has written an entire book devoted to making judgments about whether an appeal or appeal is needed. She then dives into how one can successfully invite someone in, or how one can respond gracefully to being invited.

The book won’t be published until February, but it’s worth pre-ordering.

The Correction of Love by Adrienne Marie Brown

Author and activist Adrienne Marie Brown is a feminist book club favorite. I once admired Grievous on the podcast. Ashley’s name was removed we won’t cancel us in her education and activation post about cancel culture, and in another post asking: To cancel or not to cancel? I feel like Happy Activism Everyone has been talking about this for years, especially in my sex education circles.

Her latest work, Loving correctionfeels like a natural partner we won’t cancel usand the natural next item on this list after Roth’s book. This is also a book that our editor-in-chief Natalia keeps recommending to people.

This is because the book feels like a collection of calls (although throughout the book, Brown refers to them as musings). In the first part of Brown’s book, there are reflections on racism, ableism, self, family, and more.

Later, in a section titled “Noise” (excerpted from her essay in ” Yes! magazine), Brown explores personal and other aspects of responsibility. As she writes in the book, these columns analyze the root causes of various social problems and share models for systemic, structural change.

I recommend this to anyone who can tolerate being called affectionately. go ahead. Sit with discomfort.

See No Strangers: Valarie Kaul’s Memoirs and Declaration of Revolutionary Love

I’ve written about don’t meet strangers Feminist book clubs in 2020, and how Kaul is advocating for what she calls revolutionary love. I put it on this list because, like the other books here, it’s about breaking out of the echo chambers of our respective lives and turning to each other.

What is revolutionary love? In this kind of love, Kaul writes, we can look at each other and think, “You are a part of me that I don’t know yet.”

Like other authors on this list, Kaul is a cheerleader for open curiosity as a means of finding understanding, forgiveness, and a way forward.

Civic Solidarity: A Radical Path to Transforming Our Words, Our Lives, and Our World by Shola Richards

exist civil unitykeynote speaker and author Shola Richards debunks the idea that prioritizing civility equates to being agreeable and that we will not take a firm stand against policies and people who seek to harm us and those we love. position. Richards believes that engaging in civil dialogue means choosing to turn to one another in an attempt to achieve mutual understanding and make our world a better place.

Talking to a friend about Guzman’s book the other month, she admitted that she struggled with the idea of ​​approaching others with open curiosity. she doesn’t care Why People voted for Trump. She doesn’t want to know the reasons behind their support of policies and beliefs we find despicable. Either way, these people are endangering her life, the lives of her loved ones, and the lives of everyone else in marginalized communities. Whatever the reason, she finds these choices inexcusable. She thinks they are ignorant and hateful.

I didn’t know what to say to her at the time. That’s why I appreciate it so much civil unitywhich dives into when it makes sense to have a civil conversation (and how to have it), and when it might make more sense to step back from the conversation and set boundaries to prioritize one’s mental health.

that’s why i appreciate all These books, it shows that we can still be surprised by books we thought were out of reach.

Time and again, these authors are confronted by people they have good reason to hate. Instead, they turned to them with sympathy and curiosity. This made a huge difference in their lives.

Steph Auteri is a journalist who has written for The Atlantic, Pacific Standard, VICE, and more. More of her literary work has appeared in Poets & Writers, Creative Nonfiction, Southwest Review, and other publications. According to reports, her memoir “A DIRTY WORD” was published in 2018. She is the founder of GuerrillaSexEd.org. Favorite genres: horror, comics, horror comics, and narrative journalism.