How to Introduce Non-Monogamy into Your Relationship | Sex

While it could easily be argued that life in 2022 is incomparably modern, society as we know it is far from done with shaming and forcing people into a narrow range of sexual desires and romantic arrangements. While this may be difficult to navigate for anyone who doesn’t subscribe to the allure of traditional decrees like traditional marriage or monogamy, navigating between divergent desires Stepping outside the confines of an existing monogamous relationship can present a whole new world of challenges.

That you feel called to explore group sexmaybe starting with the occasional trio-and or ethical non-monogamy (of which polyamory And open relationships (both types are very common): Revealing a new sexual desire can be downright terrifying. You may be afraid that your partner won’t take you seriously or that they’ll wonder if they want to be with you.

Take courage: if you try to understand what is the best way to approach the topic of non-monogamy and/or group sex with your monogamous partner, chances are you’re happy in your relationship. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be trying to figure out the best way to move forward while staying in a relationship. Maybe you’re looking to explore your sexuality and/or you’ve recently come out bisexual Or pansexual and I want to explore this. Whatever the reason, rest assured, there is an ethical, respectful and consensual the path to follow!

Consider the following when working up the courage to discuss the whole thing: range possibilities in your relationship.

How to Approach the Topic of Non-Monogamy or Group Sex

1. Know your reasons.

If your relationship is strong, with solid communication and unwavering trust, you may be well equipped to navigate the uncertainty of entering a new relationship paradigm. But if you hope solve unresolved problems When welcoming new partners, you may want to wait. Opening up a relationship to others tends to magnify any unresolved issues. Understand what you’re risking and why before engaging in conversation. Also, if you want to invite a third (or tenth) person into bed, make sure you’re ready and willing to make sure they’re on the same page about the parameters of the relationship/arrangement as well. Clarity is king.

2. Discuss the concept first.

Talking about non-monogamy or group sex on a conceptual level first may be the gentlest way to approach the topic. Rather than immediately discussing the practical considerations of radically changing your relationship—which can, unsurprisingly, feel threatening—consider starting small. Share a relevant article or discussion you’ve read, or watch a movie featuring a non-monogamous couple or a steamy threesome scene. This will give you a sense of how your partner feels about certain avenues of sexual exploration and may just help diffuse future tensions around these topics.

3. Try not to indulge in avoidance.

If you’ve been thinking about non-monogamy forever, or if you can’t go a day without having a visceral gang bang fantasy that you wish you could live out in real life, but you just don’t. can’t If you’re not talking about it, you’re clearly very afraid. The problem is that if you continue to avoid it, the desire and fear will only grow. Dig deep to identify the narratives you’re feeding that are preventing you from starting a conversation. You may be certain that your partner will be devastated, angry, or leave you immediately. Plan to address these narratives as soon as you start the conversation. You might say, “I want to talk about something, but I’m afraid you’re going to walk away. I want to talk about it openly, and I 100% want to hear everything you think and feel about it.”

4. Choose your moment with patience.

Just like chatting any of them A major life-changing event can easily go awry if it’s brought up when someone is sad, angry, depressed, anxious, exhausted, or even just plain hungry. It’s best to bide your time and choose a time that feels right to begin the discussion. If you find yourself impatient, ask yourself why. Topics like non-monogamy or group sex are very rarely resolved in a single session, and they shouldn’t be. You can start by discussing your desires on a more conceptual level (i.e., through the poly lens of Spike Lee’s classic). She must have it), and gradually work towards discussing what this might look like in your own relationship!

5. Don’t preach.

Whether you’ve recently been interested in foolproof ways to reduce your carbon footprint, foolproof ways to invest in cryptocurrency, or foolproof ways to free your relationship from the clutches of the patriarchy, nothing, and I mean Nothingis actually foolproof. And even if it were, evangelizing isn’t a good idea, no matter how enthusiastic you are. Chances are, your partner won’t appreciate being “educated” or “enlightened.” The reality is, if you have no concerns about a fundamental change like this, you probably haven’t thought it through enough. As with all types of relationships, non-monogamy has both its strengths and weaknesses.

6. Don’t rush.

If you’ve been thinking about bringing this up for months or even years, you’ve probably done your research and talked to other people, and you’re probably a long way off.It’s important to be patient and encouraging when you begin this discussion. Rather than demanding decisions or actions, offer tender invitations. Many couples move from discussion to discussion. a trio or talk about an open relationshipto try it out right away. If you’re excited, it’s understandable that you want to jump in, but if your partner is even a little unsure, or dealing with feelings of jealousyit can be a lot. For the sake of your relationship, consider slowing down by gradually moving from conversation to seeking out, and eventually befriending, other people who are curious or practicing non-monogamy. For some, building community first—before jumping into the dating game or inviting a third person into bed—is much less stressful.

In summary : Even though non-monogamy and group sex are both growing in popularity, these topics can still be highly sensitive in the context of an existing relationship, no matter how strong it is. Not only do they challenge many of the norms at the core of mainstream society, they can also challenge core personal beliefs about love, belonging, and self-worth. While there can be much to be gained from having this conversation with your partner, always remember to take your time and approach it with kindness. The last thing you want is for your partner to agree to something because they don’t think saying no is an option, or because they can’t afford to lose you. This conversation should be about how you can work together to satisfy both of your desires, no matter what that ultimately looks like.

On the journey. <3