All daily inspiration can be found in the book Sex and Porn Addiction Treatment and Recovery. This article is used with permission from the author.

When the pain of maintaining the status quo is greater than the pain of change, we change our behavior.

In his book Getting out of troubleDr. Robert Weiss defines cheating as “a breakdown in trust that occurs when you keep an intimate, meaningful secret from your primary lover.” Dr. Robert uses this definition because it includes both online and real-world sex, as well as sexual and romantic behavior that falls short of vaginal/anal penetration—from watching porn to kissing to simple acts like flirting. More importantly, this definition is flexible from couple to couple. In other words, it lets each couple define personalized sexual fidelity based on frank discussion and joint decision-making. This means that one or both partners may watch porn or engage in other forms of extramarital sex as long as the other partner knows about the behavior and consents. However, if one partner is watching porn (or anything else) and keeping it secret, or if the other partner knows about it and considers the behavior unacceptable within the agreed-upon boundaries of the relationship, then the behavior qualifies as cheating. Ultimately, infidelity has less to do with what we do and more to do with the lies we tell and the secrets we keep.

Today’s Task
Think about how you define your relationship boundaries. Do you think your version of relationship boundaries matches your partner’s?