How Do I Balance Showing Interest and Giving Space? – Mutual

Ms. Mutual, I’m interested in this girl and want to spend more time with her, but don’t want to become annoying and scare her off. How do I balance giving her space and messaging/spending time together?

The tricky part about dating is there is very rarely a one-size-fits-all answer. Part of getting to know someone is learning the level of interaction and communication they are comfortable with. 

Some people want to be in constant communication with you – spending every waking moment together and nonstop texting whenever you’re apart. For someone who’s more introverted, that would sound like a death trap. 

You’ll have to learn as you go, but here are a few tips you can use to guide you while you figure it out.

1. Be respectful

Respect should always be at the forefront of your mind with any aspect of dating. If you’ve been messaging someone and they don’t respond as quickly as you would like, be respectful of their time and their schedule. Not everyone has the ability to be at their phone’s beck and call at any given moment and just because they don’t respond right away, that doesn’t mean that they’re not interested in you.

If the other person is uncomfortable with the way you’re showing interest (maybe they don’t like all the compliments, or they’d rather meet up in person than text constantly), be respectful and don’t try to force them to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. They may not tell you straight up that they are feeling uncomfortable, but if you’re getting weird vibes, maybe back off a little and try something different.

If someone decides that they’re not interested, be respectful of their decision.

2. Ask questions

The only way to know if someone is vibing with you or if they’re getting scared off is to either be really good at reading minds or to ask questions. This doesn’t mean that you need to ask, “Hey, am I scaring you off?” but as you get to know each other, ask about whether they’re more extroverted or introverted. Ask if they like to text all the time or if they would rather save the conversation for when you’re together in-person. Ask them what kind of things they like talking about and what kind of things they like to do. The more you get to know them, the better you’ll know how to communicate with them and if you’ll be a good fit together.

3. The right person won’t be scared off

You could be the perfect communicator, get everything right, say everything perfectly, and still not be the right fit for someone. But if you are right for each other, even if you don’t get everything perfectly right, they won’t be scared off. So don’t think about it too hard. Just be yourself!

XO – MM

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