Fighting outdated sexual norms: How to embrace change

Overcoming outdated sexual norms

Outdated sexual norms continue to influence the way people view romance and intimacy, often limiting self-expression and equality. Together, we will explore ways to challenge these outdated biases. This will encourage a more open-minded view of sexuality, promoting individual freedom, mutual respect, and healthier relationships in today’s world.

I recently saw a video on YouTube where a woman discussed gender fluidity and the controversy surrounding a group of people who wear a different bracelet every day to identify their gender. What gender do they identify as? That day. The purpose of wearing the bracelet is to let the people in your life know what gender they should refer to that person by, and she was arguing why that was a bad idea.

Now I can’t really get into the video because I get distracted by the thought of so many people quickly commenting on why someone would do something they disagree with or why a certain way is good or bad.

Our culture is too focused on other people’s lifestyles

Our culture has become overly analytical about how other people live their lives, and I believe this has kept us from the difficult and sometimes painful task of examining ourselves and why others judge us in the first place.

I believe that the negative energy we invest in other people—whether in the form of blame, anger, shame, jealousy, or just plain cruelty—can sometimes be an attempt to unload the negativity we’ve inflicted on ourselves.

We need to be more compassionate and understanding

I’m realistic enough to know that we can’t make other people’s judgments go away. In fact, judgment used to be a trait of being human – it was our ability to judge situations that kept us alive (e.g., will that lion walking 100 meters away kill me?!).

However, I do believe that if we want to be more loving and compassionate people, it is important to be aware of the judgments we make about how others choose to express themselves and to know how we can live honestly without condemning the actions of others.

How do I handle difficult conversations?

I completed a one-week intensive course in Sexual Attitude Re-Assessment for my degree in Sexology, which is a process of observing and evaluating the judgements, opinions and biases we have about ourselves and others in the context of sexology. Our lecturer told me something very simple yet profound that changed the way I interact with others, especially when discussing controversial topics that evoke emotions.

“Don’t be preachy, don’t force someone to see things another way, don’t condemn them for their beliefs and judgments, but approach the interaction with genuine curiosity,” he said. “Ask them why they feel a certain way about something. Be curious to understand the deeper reasons behind their perspectives.”

This requires self-awareness and control

This may seem easy, but putting it into practice requires a lot of self-awareness and a commitment to avoid emotional reactions. When someone says something that makes us angry, confused, or upset, it’s easy to project our emotions onto others because it’s often the only way we know how to behave.

Stepping away from that reaction and digging deeper into their roots helps to grow connection and understanding with others. From here, we can show empathy and compassion to others.

I want to give you an example so you can understand this more clearly. Imagine you are talking to a new friend about legalizing same sex marriage in Australia and they say “I don’t think they should be allowed. I just don’t understand homosexuality, it’s not natural.” (I’ve heard this said before).

Try to avoid emotional reactions and communicate calmly

Reading this article alone may trigger an emotional response, depending on your own beliefs and values. If you believe that all people have the right to marry regardless of their sexual orientation, and believe that Any sexual orientation is acceptable.

However, how you approach this conversation may determine whether the other person becomes further entrenched in their views or changes their perspective to become more accepting and less judgmental. With curiosity, you could ask the other person why they think homosexuality is “unnatural” or what they don’t like about gay marriage.

People often go through life with outdated ways of thinking that were influenced by their parents, teachers, and the government without really considering what is right for them. (Believe it or not, there were ads on TV warning young people to beware of homosexuals because they were a danger to children.) By simply asking these questions, you can be the catalyst for that person to expand their consciousness and change their perspective.

When talking to someone you disagree with, I think the following points are important:

Ask a question

Questions lead to self-discovery. By asking questions, you can inspire curiosity and greater self-awareness in a person.

See it as an opportunity for growth rather than a confrontation

Talking to someone who holds a different opinion is a great opportunity to practice empathy, open-mindedness, and acceptance of others. It doesn’t need to turn into an argument!

Be kind. Understand that you are not perfect.

Assert your boundaries and avoid conforming to other people’s ways of thinking just to please them, but always keep an open mind.

Don’t waste your energy trying to change others

People will live the way they want to live, all you can do is be true to yourself and live it Love and compassion for others.

By: Sexologist Stephanie Curtis

Explore the insights of Stephanie Curtis! A caring sexologist, she delves into spirituality and tantra, and writes professionally, clearly, and entertainingly.