FF: The destructiveness of control in marriage

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I believe control is a major issue in many marriages. One or both spouses don’t feel as much control as they would like, causing them to do all sorts of weird, rude, destructive, and downright crazy things. We do things to try to gain control; we do things to try to prevent our spouse from having control; we do things because we are upset by not being in control.

Of course, this is basic human nature. We. Want. To. Be. In. Control! Every parent with a child of a few years old knows this. Month week Teens know they want control over their lives. Eating disorders are increasingly common and are related to control. I think a fair amount of promiscuity is related to control. Having or proving that they have control is the reason teens do a lot of wrong/stupid things. Even original sin is related to wanting control.

I understand this desire to be in control: I feel it as much as anyone else. However, I have learned that this desire often leads to more bad than good and can make a marriage unhappy, miserable, or even destroy it. Much of what stems from the desire to be in control is ugly and has nothing to do with godliness.

I want complain A few days of spiel about control. Before I get started, why don’t you think about control in your life, especially in your marriage. Where do you have control and where do you not? Where do you want more control? What does your lack of control cause you to do?

[This post first appeared Sept 05, 2012.]

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