Fetishisms and perversities: here is the essential difference | Sex

I I rarely like to admit that I’ve made mistakes, but the stubborn part of me is willing to bruise my ego and say that I wrongly used the words “kinky” and “fetish” interchangeably.

Having participated in kink and fetish acts myself, I never really thought about whether or not my partners were fetishists. I sort of thought what most people think: if you’re into “non-traditional” sex, you can be considered both a kink and a fetishist. There’s not a big difference.

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Well, there is a difference – and I’m really embarrassed that it took me this long to learn it.

To save you the same embarrassment, I’ll explain exactly what the difference is. I want to make it clear, though, that not everyone in these communities agrees on the exact wording of either definition. These two definitions are simply the ones that have the greatest consensus.

A kink becomes a fetish when it is seen as the primary source of sexual pleasure.

Let’s go, shall we?

Twist

Let’s start with kink. The exact definition of a kink, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is: “Unconventional sexual taste or behavior.”

Of course, even the term “unconventional” is subjective. One man’s “gag me and whip me” is another man’s “can we try doggy style?”

In most cases, the term unconventional can be considered to refer to the use of props, other body parts, or non-sexual activities and their incorporation into the sexual experience. Whips, ropes, costumes, leather, spanking, handcuffs, footwork, etc. All of these are considered kinky (and fun).

There is nothing wrong with being perverted, not at all, but for the most ordinary people it can be considered perverted.

My advice is not to have sex with these people.

Anyway, during sex, kinks are considered to add to the sexual intimacy between two people. You know, like when magazines publish articles like “Here’s how to spice things up in bed” and “Sex life getting boring? Try this!” You can be kinky without being a fetishist, and kinks are not considered the primary source of sexual pleasure.

For example, if your partner asks you to spank them during sex and you do it, you are engaging in kinky behavior. You may love doing it, but it’s not the spanking that gets you off. It’s the person you’re spanking and the pleasure they get from it. Also, if you can have sex without spanking (no matter how much you enjoy it), that’s another sign that you’re simply #DownToKink rather than a fetishist.

Fetish

At this point, I’m sure you have an idea of ​​what it means to be a fetishist.

I’ll still give the official definition from Merriam-Webster.

Their definition of fetishism is: “An object or body part whose actual or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and which is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with full sexual expression.”

I’m not sure what Merriam-Webster is trying to imply at the end of this text, but it is true that for many fetishists, it can be difficult to fulfill their sexual fantasies depending on the fetish in question. Some can be harmful, others illegal. Overall, however, most fetishes are harmless. Kinks and fetishes often intersect, but a kink becomes a fetish when it is considered the primary source of sexual pleasure.

Fetishists need their fetish to be part of sexual intimacy and can often replace “traditional” sexual intimacy altogether. For example, a foot fetishist needs to make feet a part of their sexual experience and can often achieve orgasm through foot play alone, as opposed to foot play associated with “traditional” intercourse. A foot fetishist is likely to be more specific about what exactly they like about feet, whether it be the shape, the toes, the smell, etc. In the realm of kink, someone who likes feet may simply enjoy licking a foot or sucking toes. They typically do not have any specific preferences regarding the look or feel of the foot.

Stigma

There is nothing wrong with being a fetishist, but there are some fetishes that are potentially harmful and detrimental to the fetishist or another person. If a fetish is extreme, it can make life miserable. In cases like these, seeking psychological help is recommended, but it is more important to note that dealing with stigma is often the main reason fetishists seek such psychological help. It is difficult to express having such fantasies and fixations outwardly, especially to romantic partners who may not understand. Hopefully, society will become more aware and more sex positive, It will be easier to talk about fetishes and perversions, making the distinction clearer and more understood.